Page 134 of Moonshine Kiss
It just about broke me. I shook my head. “Thanks, Juney,” I said softly. “But I think I need some time to myself.”
“See you at dinner tomorrow night.” June let herself out and left me in peace.
Only now the solitude had lost its comfort.
I picked up my phone. There were text messages. Several dozen of them. Missed calls, too. But none from Bowie. None from Scarlett.
Was this it? Was this the end of my honorary Bodine membership? Had I lost my job for nothing?
June’s words came back to me, chipping at my head like a woodpecker on a dead tree. Had I done this to myself?
I needed to know, and there was only one person who would tell me the truth. I picked up my phone and dialed. “Hi. I need help.”
Approximately two minutes later, Scarlett burst through my front door. “It’s about damn time!” she announced, lugging a cardboard box with her. “I’ve been circling your block for two hours waiting!”
“Waiting for what?”
“You to ask for help.” She started unloading the box. The takeout food was followed by a new hoodie, fleecy pants, and two pre-packaged face masks.
“You forgive me?” I asked.
“All I wanted is for you to stop trying to do everything your damn self. You asked for help. I’m here. That’s what friends are for. I love you, Cass.”
“He hasn’t called, Scar,” I confessed, my eyes watering like I was cutting an onion. “No texts. I think this is the end.”
“Neither one of you has ever done the long-term, forever and ever with someone before. There’s bound to be a few bumps along the way.”
“I took Bowie to the wrecked car your mom died in.”
She sat on the couch and heaved George into her lap. “In the course of your investigation to prove our daddy innocent and save our family from public scrutiny,” she insisted.
I dragged my hands through my hair and winced when they got stuck.I really needed to shower.
“It’s my job to be impartial,” I said stubbornly.
Scarlett rolled her eyes. “You can’t be tellin’ me to my face that you believe that you have to conduct yourself as a cop in your personal life. Because that, my friend, is bull-fucking-shit and you know it.”
It was a cop-out—ha—and I was well aware. I’d deliberately kept my opinion from the man that I loved, an opinion that might have offered him the slightest bit of comfort. Worse, I’d done it because I hadn’t trusted him or myself.
“Look, I’m not saying you didn’t make a mess of things. But so did Bow. Y’all are to blame and it’s gonna take both of you to fix it.”
“I don’t think Bowie wants to fix it. He told me this is just a fight and that it’s not a break-up, but he’s shutting me out. But I don’t know if he changed his mind and broke up with me without telling me.”
“Let me ask you this. How important is your pride?” Scarlett asked.
I gave a hapless shrug. “I don’t know if I have any left.”
“You let Bowie walk away from you when you were nineteen.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but Scarlett held up George’s paw. “Uh-uh. You wanted him. You probably had an idea that he was lying to you. And you still let him go. Are you going to let him go this time or are you going to put it all on the line?”
“What if he doesn’t want to be with me?” I asked. Nerves danced through my system, making me feel more scared than sad. Purposely putting myself out there, opening myself up to be devastated?
“Then he’s a dumbass, but at least you would have put forth maximum effort. You wouldn’t be living with any of those ‘what ifs.’ What if you tried one last time? What if you told him how you felt? What if you made him tell you how he felt? You could close the door on all of those things.”
“When did you get so wise?” I asked as she tore open the to-go food containers.
“When Devlin taught me how to grow the hell up a little bit. Now, let’s eat, watch someArrested Development, and give ourselves facials.”
