Page 201 of Things We Hide from the Light
He swiped a hand through his hair. “She’s gonna be mine. Officially. I keep waitin’ for her to come to her senses.”
“You’re scared,” I said, surprised.
“Fuck yeah, I’m scared. I’m shaking in my goddamn boots. I need to lock her down now before she realizes she could do better.”
“She couldn’t,” I said. “No one in this world could ever love her more than you do. And I’m not saying she’s not lovable. I’m saying you love her that much.”
“I do,” he said hoarsely.
“And she loves you that much.”
His lips quirked. “She does, doesn’t she?”
I nodded.
He tossed his gym bag into the back of his truck and I leaned against the fender.
“Tell me it’s worth it,” I blurted out.
“What’s worth it?”
“Letting someone in. Letting them get close enough that they could destroy you if they wanted to.”
“I might sound like a goddamn greeting card, but it’s worth everything,” he rasped.
Goose bumps rose on my rapidly cooling skin.
“I’m not kidding. What I had before compared to what I have now?” He shook his head. “It doesn’t even compare.”
“How?”
“Don’t know how to explain it. I just know there’s nothing ballsy or brave about living your whole life behind walls. The real good shit doesn’t start until those bricks come down and you invite someone in. If you’re not scared shitless, you’re doin’ it wrong.”
“But what if I like walls?” I asked, kicking at a rock with the toe of my sneaker.
“You don’t.”
“Pretty sure I do.”
He shook his head. “If you liked your walls so much, you wouldn’t be scared shitless right now.”
I rolled my eyes. “So how does this work? I’m just supposed to dump my deepest, darkest secrets, the ugliest parts of me, on everyone and then hope it doesn’t all go to hell?”
He gave me that bad-boy smirk. “Don’t be a dumbass. You don’t let everyone in. Only the ones who matter. The ones you want to trust. The ones you want to letyouin. That vulnerability shit is just like respect. It’s earned.”
I wondered if maybe that was why I’d failed as a team member before. I didn’t trust anyone to have my back and I’d given them no reason to trust me with theirs.
“I think being with Naomi has quadrupled your daily word count,” I teased.
“Being with Naomi made me realize how miserable I was before. Everything I thought I wanted was just me trying to protect myself from really living. Like pushing people away,” he said pointedly.
I looked down at my toes and let his words rattle around in my brain. Did I want to keep living the way I always had? Or was I ready for more? Was I ready to stop pushing?
I blew out a breath. “I’m really proud of you, Knox.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled. “Now stop fucking asking me about relationship shit.”
I bumped his shoulder with mine. “You’re gonna be a great husband and dad. A grumpy one with a foul vocabulary, but a great one.”
