Page 210 of Things We Hide from the Light
To distract myself while I waited for Knox and Lucian, I opened the mail sitting on my desk. I didn’t realize until I’d already opened it and unfolded it that one of the envelopes contained a letter from my father.
Just seeing his signature at the bottom ratcheted up my anxiety.
How many times had I wanted something from him, needed something from him? How many times had he let me down because his addiction was greater than his love for me? DukeMorgan needed pills just to get through the day. To survive. To numb himself before the world and its realities could put him in the ground.
Despite the morning chill, I broke out into a light sweat.
Was that what I was doing?
I swiped a hand over my mouth and stared unseeing at my father’s handwriting.
Even after all this time, it was as recognizable to me as my own. We made oure’s with the same slashing angle. We had the same eyes, the samee’s. What else was the same?
My heart pounded louder in my head. But now it wasn’t fear that threatened to choke me. It was anger.
Anger at myself for following in his footsteps.
I knew better. I knew that leaning on a crutch just to get through the day was the beginning of the end.
And wasn’t that exactly what I was doing with Lina? Using her? Turning to her to help push the pain and fear aside? It didn’t have to be drugs or alcohol or whatever else people used to numb the pain of existence. It could be anything, anyone you needed just to survive, to wake up and start the whole horrible cycle all over again.
“Everything all right?” Lucian strolled inside and I stuffed my father’s letter, unread, into the top desk drawer.
“No, it’s not. But I’d rather wait for Knox to get here before I get into it.”
“He’s fuckin’ here,” Knox said on a snarly yawn.
“Someone threw this through Lina’s window last night.” I tossed the bagged rock and note on to my desk.
“Well, fuck,” my brother said.
“Guess those exterior cams are now a priority,” Knox said to Lucian after I finished filling them in.
“I’m assuming Lina should be outfitted with her own tracker,” our friend suggested.
Knox smirked. “She’ll love that.”
“Good. Then you can deliver it to her,” I said.
“Why can’t you fucking do it? You’re the one sleeping with her. Or, according to Way, ‘making heart eyes’ at her.”
“I’m busy today. Just drop one off for her and yell at her until she agrees to carry it,” I said.
Knox’s eyes narrowed. “Somebody pissed in your wheat bran this morning, sunshine?”
“I don’t have time for this. Just get it done.”
Knox thankfully wasn’t as combative early in the morning, so he left my office swearing under his breath.
Lucian, however, remained seated.
“Aren’t you breaking out in hives by now?” I asked him. He wasn’t a fan of cops or police stations and for good reason.
“You’re exceptionally pissy this morning. What’s wrong?”
“Besides a 3:00 a.m. warning rock through the window?”
Lucian sat and stared blandly at me. I decided to wait him out and turned my attention to my emails. Our standoff lasted three and a half messages.
