Page 213 of Things We Hide from the Light
Was this why we fought? So I could provoke her and steal her heat? Would it all just be finding new ways to use her?
“This isn’t working,” I insisted. “I think you should go.”
Those whiskey-colored eyes scanned me from head to toe as if looking for injury. But she’d never see it. It was too far beneath the surface. The wound that never healed.
She threw the ladle in the sink and crossed her arms. “What’s wrong?” she asked again.
I shook my head. “Nothing. Just… I need you to go.”
“Did you have another panic attack?” She was coming toward me, and I knew if she touched me, it would be game over. I’d cave. I’d burrow into her body and take what I needed from her.
“I didn’t have a fucking panic attack. Okay?” I exploded.
She flinched but kept coming at me. “What happened? Are you all right?”
“I just don’t want you here anymore. I can’t make it any more clear than that. I’m over it. You were right. This was a really fucking stupid idea. We barely know each other.”
She stopped in her tracks and the look in her eyes nearly leveled me. The shock. The hurt. I’d put them there. But it was better this way. Better than dragging her down with me. Better than her leaving me.
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” she whispered.
Piper whimpered, dropping the stuffed snake at my feet. I kicked it away. “Not now, Pipe,” I said quietly. “You were always going to leave. Might as well be now,” I said.
She lifted her chin and took a shaky inhale. “Okay.”
“Just okay?”
Why couldn’t I leave it alone? I was getting what I wanted. Lina would go. She’d be safe from the things I couldn’t protect her from. And I could go back to whatever the hell I had before her. Yet I was baiting her, trying to make her share in the responsibility for this spectacular flameout.
She didn’t say a word to me, didn’t rise to the bait. She just walked away.
I followed her into the bedroom and watched as she pulled her suitcase out of my closet.
“I’m sorry this is how it worked out. You’re probably relieved.”
Her jaw was tight, making the hollows under her cheekbones even more pronounced. Still she said nothing as she efficiently unzipped the bag and laid it open on the bed.
Piper hopped onto the bench, then onto the mattress, where she sniffed at Lina’s suitcase.
“You should take her too. I can’t deal with her right now,” I said, gesturing at the dog.
Both sets of female eyes hit me and made me feel like King Asshole of the Planet Asshole.
Lina put her hands on her hips. “Okay. You almost had me. I was buying it until that.”
“Until what?”
She pointed at Piper. “You love her, you idiot.”
“I do not.”
Lina opened the nightstand drawer and withdrew a short stack of papers. “You bought her a bench to help her get on the bed. You have a basket full of toys to entertain her. You dress her in sweaters to keep her warm outside. You love her.”
“That’s not love. That’s taking care and I’m tapped out. I don’t have the capacity to take care of anyone or anything else.”Myself included, I added silently.
“Bullshit.”
“Don’t you get it?” My voice snapped like the crack of a whip. “I can’t take care of her. I can’t protect you. Hell, I couldn’t even protect myself.”
