Page 156 of Things We Left Behind
“Lucian, I was ateenager. I also wanted to marry Jerome Bettis from the Pittsburgh Steelers.”
“Just because they were teenage dreams doesn’t mean they weren’t real,” he said quietly, no longer meeting my eyes.
I wondered what teenage Lucian had dreamed of before he’d been forced to become the man of the family.
“This life is better than any I could have planned at sixteen. Or at twenty. Hell, even thirty. I love this town, this house. I love being close to my sister and my niece. All that time I got with my dad that I wouldn’t have had if I’d moved across the country in pursuit of some crazy career. That time is priceless. I would have missed out on so many things. I wouldn’t have the library. I wouldn’t know Naomi and Lina. So no. I don’t regret for one second that my teenage plans were derailed.”
“Even though you don’t have everything you want?” he pressed. “The husband. The kids.”
“Yet. I don’t have them yet. I built a life based on everythingI wanted, and I fit them together one by one. That means the missing pieces of a partner and a family have an almost complete puzzle to fit into.”
He let out a long breath, but it didn’t sound like his usual exasperated sighs. It sounded like he’d let go of something heavy he’d carried for too long.
“What was it like?” I asked.
“What was what like?”
“The week Wylie had you locked up.”
The silence was oppressive. It felt like a cold, wet blanket had descended on us both, smothering us with its damp weight.
I leaned into him and rested my face on his chest, listening to the steady thrum of his heart.
After a minute, his hands came to my back and began to stroke slowly.
“It was the worst six days of my life.”
I absorbed the hurt, accepted it. I’d done that to him. I’d hand-delivered his worst moments. “How?” I asked softly.
“He was alone with her. There was no one to protect her. Officer Winslow knew, or at least he suspected, and he’d drive past the house a few times a shift. I know your parents were watching too. But there’s a lot of damage that can still be done behind closed doors.”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat.
“I knew it was only a matter of time before he ended up in the cell next to mine,” he continued. “It didn’t matter how friendly he was with the cops. Even Ogden wouldn’t have helped him cover up a murder. But I knew my life was over. I turned eighteen in a cell, and I knew those bars and bunks were my future. I was going to have to become the kind of person who survived in a cage.”
A tear scalded its way down my cheek.
“My safety, my well-being was at the mercy of all those badges. I wasn’t even human to some of them.”
I’m sorry.The words were there, in my throat, on my tongue, begging to be let loose. But they’d never be enough foreither one of us. And I didn’t know if that meant they weren’t worth saying.
“What is that incessant buzzing noise?” Lucian demanded. He’d left his memories behind while I was still mired in them.
“Oh my God. It’s my phone. I haven’t looked at it since you showed up and whipped your dick out.” I sprang off the couch and raced into the kitchen where I found my phone facedown next to Mary Louise’s case files. “Twenty-four messages and two missed calls?”
Lucian appeared in the doorway, looking like debauchery personified. “Is there an emergency?”
“I can’t tell yet,” I said, scrolling to the top of the texts.
Naomi:Stefan Liao, did you really chicken out on telling Jeremiah you see a future with him and run back to New York this morning for a fake work excuse?
Stef:First of all, a board of directors meeting is not a fake work excuse. Second, yes. Yes I did.
Lina:Wow, Stef. I never pegged you as a coward.
Stef:Excuse me, Ms. Pit Stains on Her Wedding Dress!
Lina:I may have sweaty pits, but at least I’M STILL IN KNOCKEMOUT WITH THE MAN I LOVE!
