Page 117 of Things We Left Behind
“This is starting to feel like your office all over again,” I warned.
His eyes narrowed, but he didn’t budge. He stayed where he was, almost touching me in a dozen places.
“Don’t settle,” he said. “You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
“Are you seriously giving me love life advice right now?”
“I’m merely pointing out that you could be lining yourself up for more trouble by forcing things to happen instead of letting them unfold.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You can have kids when you’re seventy-five.”
“No. I can’t. I had a vasectomy.”
My mouth fell open. “What? When?Why?”
He pushed away from me and stood in the center of the room, looking supremely uncomfortable. “You should go,” he announced.
But I was riveted. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me. Even thoughIjust spilled my guts to you about my very personal, humiliating dating life. Don’t feel like you owe me anything.”
“I gave you a pretzel.”
“Half a pretzel,” I pointed out.
For a moment, I thought he was going to close down again, like he always did. Then he gritted out a sigh. “I was in my twenties. There was a pregnancy scare with a girl who didn’t matter. I already knew I had no intentions of ever starting a family, so I made sure it wouldn’t happen.”
“Wow. That’s a big decision to make when you’re that young,” I observed.
“I haven’t changed my mind, so you can stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you pity me.”
I snorted. “I don’t pity you, you gigantic oaf. I’m just…surprised. I guess I always just assumed you were more calculating with your decisions. That seems like a knee-jerk reaction.”
“This conversation is annoying me. You should leave,” he announced.
“Lucian.” All the aggravation, the frustration that roiled inside me came out in those two syllables.
“What?” he asked quietly.
“Why do we keep getting on this roller coaster?” I asked.
“I always thought of it as more of a dance,” he countered.
“Roller coaster, dance, series of huge mistakes. What are we doing, Lucifer?”
He locked eyes with me, and I felt as if I was frozen to the spot.
“We’re holding on to something that doesn’t exist anymore,” he said flatly.
I absorbed the blow and sighed out a breath.
“How do we let go of something that doesn’t exist?” I asked.
“If I figure it out, I’ll let you know…in a letter…from my attorney.”
My lips quirked. That was the magic of Lucian. I could hate him, and he could still make me smile. “Did you ever want a family?” I asked.
