Page 23 of The Body in the Backyard
“This was supposed to be your birthday dinner, but we got hungry. You two keep such late hours, don’t you?” Lily trilled.
“It’s six o’clock. Most people aren’t even home from work yet,” Nick complained.
“The elderly consume their calories early,” Gabe explained over his foot-long cheesesteak.
“We also eat our desserts first since we don’t know how much time we have left,” Fred said, pointing to the pie plate of mostly crumbs. The man was back in his frosted-tip boy-band toupee.
“Your hair is standing up,” Nick told him.
Fred patted his head like a cat. “Had to vacuum the plaster dust out of it. I kind of like it.”
Riley turned to Nick, looking like she was on the edge of panic. “I have less than an hour to shower, tweeze, do my hair, and slap on an entire face of makeup.”
“Baby, I got this,” he assured her. “The zoo is mine.” Being a man meant he could be ready to walk out the door in under five minutes…six maybe with the fucking tie.
Relief washed over her pretty face. She grabbed him by the shirt and dragged him down for a fast, hard kiss.
“Barf! Get a room,” Mrs. Penny barked.
“Perhaps they cannot since we took so many of their rooms,” Gabe wondered.
Nick gave Riley a swat on the ass. “Go. I got this.”
She sprinted from the room, garment bag flapping behind her like a cape.
“What’ve we got here?” Nick asked, sauntering over to his old-new roommates. He picked up a fork and the pie plate. Burt was already under the table, slurping up all the fallen food like a Dyson. “You’re all on Burt poop duty tonight. Riley and I have plans,” he warned.
“He’ll be fine. A little cheesesteak, chips, French onion dip, and pie never hurt anybody,” Mrs. Penny said.
“What did the cops have to say about the house collapsing?” Nick asked.
“They said something about the roof and then something about the structure,” Lily reported as she sawed her sub in half and offered it to him.
“Very informative,” he noted and threw his half in the pie plate.
“The police said the building is not safe and that we should not enter until a structural engineer completes his investigation,” Gabe explained.
Nick dropped his fork. “How long is that gonna take?”
“The officer with the nice fanny said it could be a few weeks,” Lily filled in.
“Weeks?Weeks?” Nick was going to have to develop a drinking problem.
“That’s just for the report. The construction will probably take a month or two,” Mrs. Penny added.
“And that’s if we can get on anyone’s calendar. Contractors are booked up, you know,” Fred said, pointing at him with a potato chip. “That’s why Willicott and I were thinking we should do it ourselves. If it goes well, we could start our own roofing company.”
Mr. Willicott needed a lift chair to go up stairs, and Fred had once managed to attach his own toupee to a sheet of plywood with a nail gun.
“Months,” Nick whispered to himself and shoved the cheesesteak into his mouth.
“Subject change!” Fred announced. “Figured out how you’re going to make up to Riley for everything?”
Nick choked. “Wha?”
Lily patted his knee. “It’s okay. You don’t have to pretend with us.”
“Pretend what?” he demanded.
