Page 57 of The Body in the Backyard
Burt gamboled over to Riley to show off the new chew bone clamped between his teeth.
“Look at you with a special doggy treat and not people food. Good job, buddy,” Riley said, giving the dog a series of enthusiastic pats.
Josie stomped out of the van, looking pissed off despite the fact that she had a bag of chips, a protein chocolate milk, and four candy bars in her arms. Brian appeared last and wheeled his way across the driveway to them.
“They all wanted snacks,” he said. “Do you know how hard it is to get them all out of a convenience store at the same time?”
“I’m having second thoughts about this whole parenting thing,” Josie grumbled.
“Babies are way easier than wrangling the elderly,” Nick assured them. “Babies can’t move. You put them down, and they stay there. These guys are all on the move, and each one has a different agenda. Just don’t have five toddlers at the same time and you’ll be fine.”
“I need a nap,” Josie grumbled.
“You can sleep during Nicky’s debriefing,” Brian promised.
Nick cupped his hands and yelled, “Everybody in the living room for a meeting.”
Fred was just unlocking the front door with a key Nick didn’t remember giving him when a white panel van whipped into the driveway. It came to a halt behind Brian’s van, Guns N’ Roses tunes pouring through the open windows.
“Who is that?” Riley asked as the driver’s door opened.
“My cousin the asshole,” Nick said.
“Also known as Carlo the plumber,” Brian explained.
Carlo strutted around the van like a five-feet five-inch-tall rooster. He wore cowboy boots, jeans, and a hoodie that readCarlo’s Plumbing: I’ll plug your leak. He hooked his thumbs in the belt loops of his jeans and glared at Nick. “Nice digs for an asshole.”
“Does your cousin hate you?” Riley asked.
“Yeah. It probably has something to do with me arresting him a few years back,” Nick said to her before facing his cousin. “Carlo, always nice to see you this side of the prison bars.”
“Fuck you. Where’s the leak?”
“It’s a leakanda clog,” Lily trilled, shoving Nick out of the way. “I’d be happy to personally show you all my plumbing problems.”
“Lead the way, pretty lady,” Carlo said.
Lily’s eyes went wide behind her thick lenses, and she began to emit a high-pitched squealing noise. Whimpering, Burt took his chew bone and ran into the yard.
Carlo jogged up the porch steps and came nose to sternum with Nick. “This makes us even, Nicky.”
“Yeah, yeah. Go snake a drain,” Nick agreed.
Carlo spun on the balls of his feet and gave Riley the eyes. “You the girlfriend?” he asked.
“I am.”
He gave her a once-over. “You’re hot.”
Nick slapped Carlo upside the head. “Stop hitting on my girl.”
Carlo slapped him back. “Fish’s gotta swim.”
“Go swim your ass through my pipes.”
“You ever get tired of this guy, you give ol’ Carlo a call,” Nick’s cousin said to Riley.
“I’ll be sure to do that,” Riley promised.
