Page 152 of The Body in the Backyard
“A.k.a. Dr. Byron Dilbert, missing and presumed dead New York plastic surgeon to the mob,” Nick announced, giving his girlfriend a smug half smile.
The gunman scoffed at him. “You’re not actually humble- bragging about seeing through my disguises when I’m the one who got the drop on you, are you?”
“You’d be amazed what I can brag about,” Nick offered.
“I can assure you, your time to boast is ticking down. Once I’m done disposing of Mr. Gentry, it’s your turn, Mr. Santiago.”
A fresh round of whimpers and murmurs went around the room.
Chupacabra half rose from her chair, hand raised. “Before you start murdering people, I gotta ask. What do you bench?”
“Three reps at two hundred twenty-five pounds, but most of my workouts are agility. I compete in a parkour league on the weekends,” Byron said modestly. “It’s how I was able to scale the wall and climb in through a second-floor window.”
“Well, you look great,” Chupacabra said, giving him a thumbs-up. “Also please don’t kill me. I have a big title fight this weekend.”
“And we have babies at home,” Tyra added, pointing between her and her wife.
“And I have a very high-maintenance new jewelry client who could single-handedly save the business Griffin Gentry almost bankrupted,” Wilfred said, peeking out from behind Chupacabra’s broad shoulders.
Ingram drew himself up to his full height. “You’re certainly not murdering me. I’m very rich and important.”
“You sound just like Griffin,” Josie pointed out.
“Relax. I’m only here to kill Misters Gentry and Santiago…and anyone else who gets in my way,” the not-so-good doctor explained. “Now, if one of you would be so kind as to direct me to the former.”
“You know, I always get former and latter confused,” Nick said, stalling for time.Take my gun, he shouted in his head, praying his psychic girlfriend was listening. Immediately, he felt her hands at the small of his back.You’re so hot, he added.
She gave him a warning pinch on the ass.
“This is ridiculous. I’m putting an end to all our misery,” Ingram announced. “You’ll find Gentry in the?—”
Nick swung hard, landing a perfectly placed jab to Ingram’s jaw. The man crumpled to the floor. Kiki started a slow clap that no one else was brave enough to follow.
The gun swung back to Nick. “Now that wasn’t very nice,” complained the doctor.
“Trust me, you would have ended up doing it and messing up those nice surgeon hands of yours,” he said.
“So, Nicky,” Brian called from the back of the room. “Maybe now’s a good time to officially introduce us to your friend?”
“Great idea, Bri. Ladies and gentlemen, meet our wannabe murderer, the late Dr. Byron Dilbert.” Nick snapped his fingers and pointed to the screen, where a news article with a large photo of the man in question appeared.
“A slide deck? Are you serious? You promised us justice, not a second chance to sit through junior high,” Kiki complained.
Nick ignored the murmured agreement. “Dr. Dilbert had quite the career as the Buffalo-based cosmetic surgeon for the mob. Until he messed up Jimmy the Nose’s tummy tuck.”
“That’s definitely not good,” Betty whispered to Tyra.
“I warned him there was a chance of blood clots if he kept smoking after the surgery. But mobsters never listen,” Byron complained.
“They never do,” Nick agreed. “You disappeared shortly thereafter—rumor has it a butt load of mob money went missing around the same time—and everyone assumed your employers had put you in cement shoes.” He pointed to the TV where an obituary for the doctor appeared.
“They hardly ever do that anymore. Most of them own crematoriums. It’s more convenient and lucrative,” Byron explained.
“Interesting,” Claudia mused. “I don’t suppose you’d have time to sit down with me for an exclusive interview after you’re done shooting Griffin?”
“Please hold your interview requests for the end,” Nick said, turning around to face his audience.
Riley had the gun hidden behind her back and looked more than a little nervous. Josie was holding two blades, one in each hand, and grinning. He gave them a reassuring wink, then nodded at Brian in the corner.
