Page 194 of Story of My Life
42
THE GREAT FREEZER BREAKER FLIP AND PETTING ZOO ESCAPE
CAMPBELL
The woman was a diabolical genius.Or a criminal mastermind. It didn’t really matter because by the time the Silver Haven Assisted Living bus regurgitated its eighteen senior citizen passengers and their chaperones in the parking lot, Hazel had worked her magic on Summer Fest and Story Lake.
The Warblers greeted our guests with an enthusiastic a cappella rendition of the Beach Boys’ “Good Vibrations.” The empty storefronts on Main Street and Lake Drive had been transformed into fake businesses that were either convenientlyclosedfor the day orcoming soon.Story Lake was now home to a new plant shop, a café, a children’s consignment boutique, and a hobby shop.
Thanks to Garland’s posts on the Neighborly app, we had an army of citizens creating a steady stream of phony foot traffic, changing their clothes and familial configurations every half an hour.
The festival’s dance floor was now half the size thanks to the two dozen folding chairs donated by Lacresha’s funeral home, and the music Darius’s sister was playing was decades older than it had been earlier.
The cooling tent had been transformed into a bingo hall with folding tables and more chairs. And the victims of our first-ever shitty 5K had perked right up with their lawn chairs in the lake.
In the middle of it all, Hazel Hart directed the web of lies with the precision of a general from her borrowed Hello Kitty walkie-talkie.
“The antiques are early birding. I repeat. The antiques are early birding,” she said into the radio as she strode toward the ice cream stand to help with a freezer malfunction.
There was a static-laden squawk before Rusty responded. “Copy that. The early birds have landed for lunch. Requesting additional customers, preferably families with adorable, well-behaved children.”
“Reinforcements are on their way,” came Darius’s crackly reply from the radio. A glint of sun on glass came from the second-floor apartment above Sunita’s clothing store, where our intrepid mayor had set up an air-conditioned command center.
Gage joinedme at the edge of the tent and watched as our half dozen plants prepared for bingo. “It’s a good thing Livvy is the only cop in town because I’m pretty sure we could get arrested for fraud for all this,” he said.
“What’s a little fraud between neighbors and sewage treatment plants?”
My brother shook his head. “I can’t believe it. You’re smiling.”
I carefully rearranged my features into my customary scowl. “No, I’m not. I hate everything.”
“What’s going on?” Levi asked, watching as Gator launched a retiree-bearing kayak into the lake.
“Cam’s smiling,” Gage said.
“Did a kid run into a sliding glass door?”
“What’s happening?” Laura asked, joining us. She had a walkie-talkie clipped to the strap of her tank top and a backpack cooler full of water bottles.
“Cammie’s smiling,” Levi said.
“I am not,” I insisted.
“Did someone fall off a trampoline and land on their nuts?” my sister asked.
“Why do you people think the only thing that amuses me is other people getting hurt?”
“Because we were all there when you almost pissed yourself laughing when Livvy got knocked off the four-wheeler by that tree branch,” Gage said.
“And that time you sprained your abs laughing at Larry when she tripped over the dog while carrying Isla’s birthday cake and landed face-first in it,” Levi added.
“Mom had to turn the sink sprayer on you to get you to stop cackling,” Laura recalled.
“Everybody shut up,” I said. Walks down memory lane were dangerous because they inevitably led to a reminder of everything we’d lost. And if I’d learned anything in the last year, it was that the only way forward was to avoid thinking about the past and how it was eventually going to repeat itself.
“So if it wasn’t an injury, what has you smiling, brother dearest?” she asked.
Gage nodded in Hazel’s direction. “Give you three guesses and the first two don’t count.”
