Page 220 of Story of My Life
“I can’t believe this. You make it sound like I abandoned you. I left town because I wanted to. I got a good job in a nice city because I wanted to have a life of my own that wasn’t all wrapped up in everyone else’s.”
My parents shared one of those annoying know-it-all looks.
It was my turn to point the finger. “No. Now it’syourturn to listen. Just because you love having everyone around your table every Sunday and because you don’t mind filling in at the store you retired from and picking up kids who aren’t yours and living alongside the same people you’ve known your whole life doesn’t mean I have to do the same.”
Mom rolled her eyes. “And I thought it was Levi with the thickest skull. Thatiswhat you want.”
I covered my face in my hands and let out a frustrated groan. “Oh my God. What makes you think that?”
Mom threw up her hands, and Dad leaned in. “Well, for starters, because your mother’s not an idiot.”
“Thank you!” she said, jabbing a finger in his direction. “Look, I’m not here to guess why you are the way you are. But you came to us a scared, broken little boy who had lost his parents and been separated from his brothers. That’s bound to leave a mark.”
“Maybe you had something to prove,” Dad said, tagging in. “Maybe you wanted to show that kid that you could take care of yourself.”
Hazel’s words from the lake echoed back to me.You were a kid from a stable, loving home who wanted to spread his wings to make sure they worked.
“Why does everyone feel the need to psychoanalyze me all of a sudden?” I was tired. I was pissed off. I’d spent days being harangued by people who thought they knew my business better than I did.
“Because you keep doing the dumbest possible thing, like you’re set on self-destruct or something,” Mom pointed out.
“We broke up. It’s not a midlife crisis, and it sure the hell isn’t a big deal.” Lies. They just kept coming out of my mouth.
“You don’t seem the least bit concerned that you just walked out on the best damn thing you ever had,” Dad said.
“Hazel wasn’t the best thing that ever happened to me,” I said quietly. “You two were.”
They both went silent for a beat. Then Mom, with tears in her eyes, hit me over the head with a file folder of veterinarian statements.
“Ow! The hell was that for?”
“For being so sweetly, infuriatingly wrong,” she said. “You don’t get justonegood thing.”
“You start with the first and you build on it,” Dad said earnestly.
“You think we were satisfied with just finding each other and falling in love?” Mom demanded. “No. We bought this place. We started a business and then another. We had your sister. We found your brother. We broughtyouhome.”
“And that’s great for you guys. But that’s not what I fucking want.” The panic was rising again, but this time I didn’t have anything to let go of.
“All right. Then whatdoyou want?” Dad asked.
To never lose anything again. To never feel that twist of dread. That swift slice of grief and fear.
To not feel like I’d had something good and solid, only to realize it could be taken from me just like that.
To forget what it was like to watch my sister find out her husband wasn’t ever going to walk through the door again.
“I want a quiet, simple life. And I don’t get why everyone and their second fucking cousin feels the need to weigh in on that.”
“The problem is everyone knows you’re full of shit,” Mom pointed out.
I started to get out of my chair. “I’ve got shit to do. I don’t have time to take it from you two. Just because I’m not living my life the way you think I should?—”
“Campbell Bishop. You’ll sit your ass there until we’re done with you. Life is precious, even when it hurts. It’s not something to be avoided. It’s all we’ve got,” Mom said gently.
“Now if this solitary life is really what you want—” Dad began.
“It’s not,” Mom cut in on a huff.
