Page 80 of Story of My Life
As my mother continued to list her new fiancé’s assets, I collapsed next to the soggy, panting dog, inserting “uh-huh” and “sounds great” at appropriate intervals.
“How old is this one, Mom?” I asked finally.
“He’s a very virile seventy-seven, if you know what I mean.”
“I wish I didn’t.” I said, as Melvin leaned over and licked my face.
The nineteen-year difference was only the third biggest age gap of my mother’s husbands. She claimed she preferred older men, but I always assumed she was just trying to outlive one of them. There was more money in being a widow than a divorcée.
“You don’t sound happy for me,” Mom pouted through the phone.
“I’m thrilled for you,” I lied.
Melvin let out a doggy grumble then sneezed.
“Ew. Gross,” I muttered.
“When areyougetting back out there?” Mom asked. “You’re wasting your most attractive years, you know.”
I looked down at my sodden towel covered in dog fur. If these were my most attractive years, the downhill slide was going to be rough. “I just got divorced, Mom.”
“Darling, that was ages ago. Being single isn’t good for anyone.”
I was immediately offended on behalf of real-life and fictional women everywhere. “Not everyone needs a man,” I toldher, conveniently forgetting I had propositioned a man twelve hours ago.
“Well, not lesbians,” she conceded.
“Mom!” I said on a laugh. No matter how many times or ways she disappointed me, she still always made me laugh.
“What? I have several lesbian friends and you know what? They’re all married.” She was convinced that true security came from being married to a rich, powerful partner. But I’d done the marriage thing and ended up with so many insecurities that if I ever went on a real first date again, it would have to be to a couple’s counselor.
“Did I send you the picture of me officiating Trinity and Eviana’s wedding last summer? I wore the most exquisite white suit,” Mom continued.
Only my mother would wear a white suit to upstage the brides she was marrying.
She kept up the chatter for another five minutes before a man’s voice in the background interrupted her. “Oh, Stavros, you’re too much. Darling, I’ve got to go. Stavros just surprised me with opera tickets and a new gown! I’ll send you the details on my nuptials! Talk soon.” She disconnected the call before I had a chance to say anything.
I put my phone down on the tub floor. There were few people more charming and casually selfish than my mother. I always felt the need to lie down after a phone call with her.
Melvin nudged me with his big wet nose.
“Yeah, okay. Let’s figure out a way out of here,” I said, getting to my feet.
I had the dog’s front legs over the lip of the tub when we got tangled up in the shower curtain. With a tremendousrip, the material shredded free from the metal hooks, landing on top of us and sending Melvin into another barking fit.
“Stop trying to hide under my towel!” I yelped.
“Need some assistance?”
Melvin and I froze for a beat before I shoved the shower curtain off us to find two of the three Bishop brothers lounging in the doorway.
“A little help here?” I said to Cam and Levi.
19
PREPARE TO BE DATED
CAMPBELL
