Page 178 of Story of My Life
“Oh. My. God.” Hazel clapped her hands to her face as my secret weapon stirred under her blanket in the makeshift pen I’d set up in the corner. “Is that?—”
“A piglet with a respiratory virus? Yep.”
“Why do you have a piglet with a respiratory virus in your living room?”
“My mother. Peaches has to be separated from the rest of the livestock until her expensive-ass pig cold medicine kicks in.”
On cue, Peaches sneezed.
“Oh, my goodness.” Hazel kneeled on the floor and cautiously stroked a finger over the pig’s head. “No offense. But why you? You don’t seem like the nurturing-a-baby-pig type.”
I scoffed and scooped up Peaches, blanket and all, holding her like a baby. “I’m fucking nurturing.”
Hazel raised an eyebrow.
“I am. Also, Mom stuck Gage with a golden retriever that failed her service dog certification, and Levi is bottle-feeding fucking baby rabbits.”
“Note to self, visit Levi as soon as possible,” she said.
Like hell she was. I handed her the pig in a blanket. “Here. Keep her entertained and I’ll get dinner started.”
“Hello, Peaches,” she whispered as she carefully cradled the piglet.
Feeling pretty damn good about my diabolical plan, I cued up some music and headed into the kitchen.
“Who’s the prettiest little pig in the whole wide world?” she crooned as she paced around the room. Peaches grunted her agreement. “Cam?”
“Yeah?” I looked up from the grill pan.
“Why are there candles on your table?” she demanded.
“In case the power goes out.”
“You’re playing Michael Bublé. You set the table with brand-new taper candles. And you just happened to have a baby pig in your apartment tonight. You’re trying to seduce me!”
“No yelling while you hold the pig.”
Very deliberately and with an aggressive amount of eye contact, Hazel placed Peaches on the floor.
“You’re not worming your way out of this without an explanation and an apology,” she announced.
“Explain? What am I supposed to explain? I thought we were gonna discuss what to charge vendors for their stands in the park. Or do you wanna talk about how to get the word out to people who don’t actually live here?” I was the picture of innocence.
“I want to talk about your outburst last night,” she said. She stalked into the kitchen and slapped a piece of notebook paper to my chest. Not just any paper. Our contract. “Where in this agreement does it state that we’ll take our nonrelationship status public in front of the entire town without even discussing it?”
“Listen, it’s a small piece of paper, and this situation is pretty nuanced. I’m not surprised we didn’t have room for everything.”
“I swear to Peaches and the rest of your parents’ farm animals, I am a heartbeat away from giving you a second black eye to add to your collection.”
“Let’s not fight in front of the pig.”
“Campbell Bishop, we agreed that we weren’t in a relationship. We agreed that we were going to have secret hot sex and nothing more.”
I shrugged and tossed the turkey burgers into the pan. “Yeah, well. I changed my mind.”
“You don’t get to change your mind in front of the entire town.”
Peaches trotted into the kitchen and stuck her snout in her food dish. “Look how cute the baby pig is when she eats,” I suggested.
