Page 180 of Story of My Life
“I’m just cutting through the bullshit. I’ll admit maybe I could have found a nicer way to do it, but I didn’t. So here we are. Are you in or do we have to call up Garland to announce our breakup?”
“You’resucha romantic.”
“Hey, I plied you with wine, candles, and a baby pig. Besides, you don’t want romance. You want to be fucked. By me. Repeatedly.”
I was losing blood to the brain as it headed south. I wanted her enough that it made me stupid. I needed her to be stupid with me. Lowering my head, I zeroed in on her mouth. But just before I could make contact, Hazel shoved a hand between our faces.
“I believe I was promised dinner and a fresh notebook.”
“So we’re good?” I mumbled against her hand.
“Don’t get cocky. It’s either burgers with you or Easy Mac at home, and I didn’t clean this morning’s oatmeal out of themicrowave yet. I’ll see how impressive this dinner and your ideas for the festival are, and then I’ll make an educated decision.”
“You’re gonna regret that,”I warned.
Hazel snorted into her burger. “There’s a very long list of things in life I already regret. I doubt putting the town tagline up for a vote is going to be one of them. Democracy is never regrettable.”
Peaches was asleep in her pen again. And I’d managed to calm my hormones just enough to pretend to be interested in being fully clothed while eating and to coherently discuss business. The town welcome sign had landed on Bishop Brothers’ to-do list—we just had to wait for the official slogan.
I smirked. “You ever stop to wonder why our bald eagle is named Goose? Or whyelementary schoolis spelled with aK?”
“That wasn’t a typo?”
“You think we ordered and screwed white cast aluminum letters into a brick building accidentally? You’re in for a rude awakening. Every time we’ve put naming rights up to a public vote, it has ended in a shit show. You don’t even wanna know the plow truck’s name.”
Hazel waved her hand in front of her face. “Let’s back the truck up for a second. You’re saying you guys voted on a name for a bald eagle and you came up with Goose.On purpose?”
“Team Goose campaigned pretty hard. Went door-to-door with donuts.”
She closed her eyes. “Cam? What’s the name of the plow truck?”
“Plowy McFuck You.”
Her mouth fell open. “It is not.”
“Oh, it is.”
She put her head in her hands. “But Darius already let me send the email with the link to the poll. Why wouldn’t he warn me?”
“Because the kid is optimistic as a golden retriever with a pushover parent and a treat jar. I’m sure it’s fine. As long as you didn’t leave the option for voters to add their own suggestions.”
“There was a way to turn that off?” she whispered and then dropped her head to the table.
“Baby.” I reached across and squeezed her shoulder. “It’s fine. And if it isn’t, we’ll just ‘forget’ to add the saying to the sign until after Summer Fest is over.”
She lifted her head slightly. “Really?”
“See? There are benefits to exclusively banging the guy who makes the sign.”
“I haven’t decided if we’re still banging or not.” She sniffed. “In fact, the only thing I know for sure is we’re definitely not having sex tonight. Not with an entire festival to plan and execute,” she said, gesturing toward her notes.
39
PENIS APPRECIATION
HAZEL
So next timeyou have the urge to do something stupid and annoying, you’re gonna talk to me about it first,right?” I panted and squeezed Cam’s shoulders in a death grip. It was hard to concentrate, but I wasn’t willing to let either of us orgasm before he’d officially learned his lesson.
