Page 68 of Story of My Life
16
NO UNSANCTIONED POTATO THROWING
CAMPBELL
Okay. That’s enough,”Hazel said into her mic.
She’d ditched the glasses, straightened her hair, and put on some kind of makeup that made those watchful brown eyes look bigger, more dangerous. But apparently I was the only one who noticed.
I cleared my throat loudly. At the back of the room, Levi got to his feet and started staring down neighbors. Gage did the same from the front. The unruly crowd reluctantly zipped their lips.
“Thank you,” Hazel said, looking at me. “Now I don’t know how gossip travels in this town, but it needs an upgrade. I didn’t commit vehicular birdslaughter. Your eagle hit me in the head with a fish and made me crash into your sign. I didn’t come here to kill birds or destroy your town. And I certainly didn’t come here to get potatoes thrown at me by a bunch of strangers.”
People started to sit back down, which I took as a good sign.
“As I was saying,” Hazel continued. “I moved here because I was under the assumption that people were friendlier in small towns. But you people make my neighbor who got arrested for murdering my other neighbor look like a day-care teacher.”
“Why’d you chop up poor Goose with your helicopter?” Ms. Patsy demanded.
“For the love of—do I look like I have a helicopter? And who hunts bald eagles with helicopters? That sounds like a Marvel villain.” Hazel sounded like she was five seconds away from yelling or crying. I was hoping for the former. Gage signaled me from the audience, and I gave a subtle shake of my head. If we stepped in too early, everyone would back down, but they sure as hell wouldn’t respect her. And apparently it was the Bishop family’s duty to make sure that our highest-paying customer wasn’t about to be run out of town.
Garland slithered up to the stage with his phone extended.
“Don’t do it—” I warned him.
But a series of flashes blinded me. “Seriously, Garland? Do you not know how to turn off your flash?” Hazel said, blinking rapidly and feeling around for the table.
“Journalistic integrity requires me to shine the most amount of light on the truth as possible,” he insisted.
“I’ll shove your journalistic integrity so far up your ass you’ll need a flashlight to find it,” I told him. He swallowed hard and backed away, landing in Kitty Suarez’s lap.
“I got hit in the head with a freaking fish, people.” Hazel pushed up her bangs to show her bandage. “Goose is fine. End of story. I’m sorry you were all dragged here for this meeting when there was no bird murder. But I can promise you, as a council member, I will do my best to limit frivolous meetings so you don’t have to give up whatever the hell you were going to do tonight.”
“Ultimate bingo,” Junior Wallpeter yelled through cupped hands.
“See? You shouldn’t be missing out on whatever that is,” Hazel said.
“It’s awesome,” Junior called back.
“Where’s your proof?” Emilie demanded from the council table.
I rolled my eyes. Emilie was the kind of woman who never had what she wanted and thought that everyone else had stolen it from her. She made enemies like it was a competitive sport.
“You know damn well ultimate bingo is awesome, Emilie,” my mother reminded her with a sharp smile.
“Not you, Pep. I’m talking to the bird murderer.”
Hazel’s hand clenched in her lap. She leaned forward and tapped her mic. The shrill whine had everyone covering their ears. “Is this thing on or does Dr. Ace need to give you a hearing test,Emilie?”
“Oooh,” crooned the crowd.
Zoey punched her fist in the air. “That’s my girl!”
“I’m not taking your word for it,” Emilie said snidely. “For all we know, you’re opening your big-city beer bottles with Goose’s beak in your fancy suit.”
“First of all, I prefer wine. And secondly,what is your problem, lady?” Hazel got to her feet, hands fisted at her sides.
I sighed and gripped her by the back of her jacket in case she tried to launch herself at Emilie. I gave Gage the nod.
