Page 94 of Story of My Life
Before I knew it, I’d bought a pair of nightstands, an upholstered ottoman in eggplant purple, and a marshmallow-white couch that could comfortably swallow up half a dozen people. The husband was already on the phone with their driver to schedule delivery when I walked out shell-shocked.
My head hit the headrest in Laura’s vehicle with a thump. “Oh my God. I’m definitely going to have to write a shopping montage into this book. Maybe then I can write some of this stuff off.”
“You did good, kid. You opened that wallet like a champ,” Laura said cheerfully.
“The last time I spent that much money shopping in one day was…never. And I once went shoe shopping after bottomless mimosas.”
“I figured it wouldn’t hurt to buy some goodwill for you…since you’re dating my brother and all.”
“Har har.”
“Oh my God.” She sighed dramatically as she looked at her phone.
“What’s wrong?”
She tossed me the phone and buckled in. “Here’s some light reading for our drive back.”
It was a message app open to a group called Mom and Dad Are in This Group Be Cool.
Cam:Any reports of a bike vs vehicle or bike vs eagle accident today?
Levi:You worried about Hazel on her bike?
Mom:I don’t mean this in a misogynistic stereotyping way at all, but I sure hope she’s better on a bike than behind the wheel.
Dad:I saw her zip past the store today like she was in the Tour de Frances. You worried?
Cam:France, Dad. And no. Just making conversation.
Gage:I’m sure she’s fine. Also, I type the following with a disclaimer that no one is to panic or jump to conclusions, but Laur hasn’t responded to the hilarious meme I sent her two hours ago or the follow-up text.
Levi:She didn’t answer when I called this afternoon.
Dad:She was supposed to take Hazel shopping for finishes today. If they’re both missing, they’re probably together.
Cam:God help us all.
Mom:I’m going to her house.
Gage:I’ll drive around and see if her car is parked somewhere.
Cam:I’ll check in with the kids while I take the north end of town.
“Wow.” I handed her the phone, feeling both appalled and flattered.
“You get in one horrific accident while out for a run and your family never lets you forget it,” Laura grumbled. She stabbed the video call button.
“Where the hell have you been?” Cam snarled a second later.
“Did something happen? Is there an emergency?” Laura’s mom, Pep, demanded.
“Is Hazel with you?” Levi asked.
“I told you she was fine,” Frank said at the same time.
“Let’s all calm down now,” Gage cut in.
“Listen to me, you codependent circus. We’re two adult women out doing adult women things. Here’s your proof of life,” she said, pointing the camera at me. I waved. “Now get a grip, and no one is allowed to text or call me for twenty-four hours.”
