Page 134 of Triggered By Love
“I already trust you.”
“That’s your horniness speaking.” He flashed her a knowing grin. “When people are aroused, they lower their standards.”
“Not me.”
He put his finger over her lips. “You’ve already lowered your standards.”
“How so?”
“Don’t argue with a man who’s trying to say he’s sorry,” he grunted. “Especially when he never says he’s sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
“For treating you like you don’t matter.” His eyes were large and solemn. “It took being forced onto leave of absence to make me realize that chasing a case comes second to taking care of the victim.”
“Are you referring to me?”
“I know I’m all business with a one-track mind. When that cab hit the curb, I jumped over you to chase the perp. The morning after, I cut you off to answer the phone. It’s been burning me up knowing I disregarded your feelings.”
“You had work to do.”
“Nothing that couldn’t have waited a few minutes.” He squeezed the hand he held, caressing her palm with his thumb. “I promised myself I’d never hurt you. I’d rather let the killer go than stomp over your feelings.”
“I’d rather you nailed the killer.”
“I’ll do both. Nail the killer and show you how precious you are.”
She swallowed hard, wondering if he was only saying it as a reaction to what was revealed at the professor’s place. “How can you say I’m precious when I disgust you?”
“Are you reading my mind?” He quirked an eyebrow and gave her a questioning look. “How can I judge you for anything you did before you met me?”
“Oh, so it’s all about you, isn’t it?” She tried to keep her voice light, even though she’d never heard anyone express himself that way. Did it mean she could have killed someone and he wouldn’t judge? Not that she had.
“No, it’s all about what evil people did to you. My anger and disgust are directed at them, the same way I blame my father for abusing my mom.”
She bit her lip, realizing how he was opening his heart with that admission. Some people might have blamed their mother for not walking away. Some people would definitely call her a slut for doing the acts.
Was she truly blameless? She didn’t want to play the victim card because it would mean she was helpless.
“I’m partially responsible. It wasn’t just the men like Orson. He didn’t exactly force me to do the private shows. I got benefits too.”
“Not exactly a fair trade, Avery.” His voice lowered in a way that warned her he was on the verge of exploding. “You’re talented. You didn’t need his help to get into the big shows.”
“Everyone’s talented. There are so many who love clothes, can match style with emotion, create moods and dazzle. Art is subjective.”
He slapped the mattress. “Okay, fine, you don’t want to be a victim, but you didn’t exactly ask for this. You were a kid, and they took advantage of you. The junk they gave you wasn’t worth what they did to your soul. It was coercion, and you couldn’t exactly have walked away.”
“I didn’t try.” She almost asked if his mother had tried to walk away. “My ambition was too strong, and my morals were too weak. I recognize that. I’m partially to blame. Worst of all, I even dragged my precious Brando into it.”
This, to her, was her biggest failing. She’d wanted that debut show at Manhattan Fashion Week so badly—hottest new designer honor—that she’d involved a man who had the highest moral code—one who’d never done wrong.
Jason took a deep and exasperated breath. He mowed both hands over his head, raking his hair. “That must have been a doozy. How did he react when you asked him?”
Avery smiled wryly. But of course, the detective in Jason took over, and he’d already forgotten his resolution to put her first. “He didn’t like it, but he allowed me to molest him. He was angry and swore to the professor he’d never allow me to do this again. Of course, Orson only laughed and hinted at my big secret.”
“And then what?”
She shrugged, not wanting to relive the nightmare. “I thought he was going to break up with me after the show. He was sullen, quiet, and uncommunicative. The entire thing went against every moral fiber he held. He’s a good man, and I couldn’t see him attaching his good family name to someone like me.”
