Page 13 of Hide My Heart
“I don’t know what to do. I can’t leave him with you, but I can’t not see Grandma.”
There’s nothing I can say. It sucks, but I’m plumb out of ideas. “Maybe your grandma will help you. Can’t you tell her about Beck? Can’t they forgive you?”
Amber grimaces. “They’d rather see me burn in hell first. Grandma always said, ‘don’t you come back here pregnant. I raised you better than that.’”
I pull the car into a convenience store parking lot. “So, what do we do? I can’t just leave you here.”
“I wish we could run away together.” She pulls my arm and leans on my shoulder. “But you have to go back.”
“What will I tell my mother? What about Mr. Carson who thought he saw you? How am I going to get in touch with you? Where are you going?”
“Don’t know.” Her eyes are big and she’s scared. She doesn’t have a plan. “Can you visit my grandmother and tell me how she’s doing? Tell her I miss her and love her and will come as soon as I can.”
“Sure, sure. I’ll do that, but you don’t have a cell phone, do you? How am I going to keep in touch with you?”
“I’ll find a pay phone.” She glances out the window at the entrance to the store, the Drop-In Shop. “It’s getting harder and harder to find them nowadays.”
An idea strikes me. “They have these prepaid cell phones. They aren’t expensive. Let’s get one for you.”
“No, I’ll buy one myself.” She unbuckles the seatbelt and opens the door.
A gust of chilling wind blows in and freezes the skin on my face. I crank up the heater, having left the car on idle. “It’s cold out there. Let me run in there and you can wait here.”
“You’ve done enough.” She tugs her jacket and pulls the hood over her face. “I’ll go now.”
If she leaves, when will I see her again? I jump out of the car and run around to the passenger side, steadying her. She yanks her backpack, but it’s so heavy, she loses her balance, and she lands on a snowdrift. The piercing wind howls and flings snow over her.
Beck wakes and lets out a squall. Is he hurt?
I help her up, and yell over the howl of the wind. “I’ll go in there and get what you need. It’s warm in the car. Wait in there.”
“You don’t know what size of diapers he needs. I also need some other things.” Her face reddens and she avoids my gaze. “Can you hold him in the car? I’ll be right back.”
Unstrapping the sling, she hands Beck to me and digs her wallet from her backpack, leaving the pack on the snow drift. “I’ll be quick.”
I pick up the backpack, and Beck lets out another cry, his face screwed up all angry.
“Shhh… shh… I’ve got you, buddy.” I take him back into the car, turning the heater full blast.
EIGHT
Nate
Beck knows I’m not hismommy. He just knows. As soon as we get back into the car, he does this hiccupping snort and he stops crying. He’s staring at me with bright, blue eyes.
I’m not sure I’ve ever seen eyes as big as his, and as blue. His face is pink, and his eyelashes are transparent. Do they even come that color? He barely blinks, but when he does, the wispy little see-through hairs flash so fast I wonder if they’re made of fairy dust.
I know he’s hungry because he screws with his mouth, but he just stares at me.
“Hey, little buddy. Your mom’s going to be right back.”
My idea for Amber to leave for a week or so is plain stupid. She could never leave him. What kind of mother would she be if she did?
As for me? I’m not sure Amber needs me. She should fess up to her family and leave me out of this. I’m already in a mess with Mom. I glance at the time. Four thirty in the morning. I need coffee bad. Maybe I should go in and get some coffee when Amber gets back.
Amber. Back. I don’t know how I feel about it. She’s different, changed. Hardened. Duh, no kidding. But she ruined our dream! She was supposed to be the one who broke out of Divine, Idaho. The one who became Secretary of Education or won the Nobel Prize in Literature. She was supposed to be the woman I’d eventually marry after I returned from the war a big hero and I met her in Washington, DC while winning a medal from the president. And she’d be there and we’d be like those people in the magazines, larger than life with clean, white teeth and neat haircuts.
I don’t think I like this Amber who leaves me in my car holding her drooling baby, no matter how cute he is. Why’d she run off and let some guy knock her up? She should have waited on our plan. She should have gone with me.
