Page 133 of The Hot Shot
My hand slides to the nape of her neck, and I hold her steady. “So don’t come at me with this ‘we’re best friends’ bullshit when you want to use it to drive me away.”
She freezes, her chin firming in stubborn resistance. Does she think I am blind?
“You arenotdoing whatever this is under the guise of friendship, Chess.”
Her head jerks back, trying to get free. I don’t let her. My hold is gentle but firm.
Her glare is fierce. “Let me go, Finn.”
I can’t. It’ll break my heart.
“Talk to me,” I rasp.
Her cold hand wraps around my wrist. “I heard everything he said.”
Guilt has me flinching. “Look, North is...”
“He’s right.” Her voice is soft but emphatic. And it is a kick to the gut.
“He believes he’s right.”
Chess frowns. “Do you know how many times I’ve heard James bitch that one of his favorite athletes is starting to suck because he’s lost his focus in a relationship?”
“Are you saying I suck now?” My head pounds, a dull thudding at my temples.
“I’m saying that, aside from that kind of gross and misogynistic bit about players’ wives in the middle, North was making a lot of sense. And you know it.”
The pounding in my head gets worse. Something bitter burns its way up my throat. “I can’t fight you too, Chess. I need you on my side here.”
“I am on your side.” She moves to touch my cheek but stops short. “I just think that if we take a step back—”
“Fucking hell. Just stop with your damn logic and listen to me!” I throw the bottle against the wall and it shatters. Chess flinches as I round on her. “I’m hanging on by a thread. A fucking thread. You’re either trying to end us with talk of babies that we may or may not want, or you’re being some sort of goddamn sacrificial lamb on the altar of football! Do you want me to choose football over you? Is that it?”
She blinks back at me with glossy eyes. “No. You shouldn’t have to choose.”
“Then don’t make it a choice.”
“Do you think it was easy to hear all that?” she snaps. “While knowing that, by having me in your life, I make it that much harder for you to succeed?”
“Your faith in my ability is heartening, Chess. Truly fucking inspiring.”
“Goddamn it, Finn, this isn’t about my faith in you, it’s my lack of faith inme. I am a bad bet!”
“Yet I’d put all my money on you,” I shout. “I’d do it in a second, but you won’t do the same for me.”
She flinches, but that stubborn chin of hers remains firm. Like she’s already committed to her plan. “Finn—”
“No.” I back away, holding up my hands to ward her off. “You know what? I want you to go. Take that job in New York, stay there and find yourself. Because North is right. It’s too hard as it is. Going into this with doubts will just set us up to fail.”
She stares at me as if she’s been frozen, and I wait for the denial, for her to tell me I’m wrong. Slowly, she starts to breathe, her chest lifting and falling with the effort. Her rage gathers, and it is a beautiful thing to watch. Her glare is like justice and judgment all rolled into one, and it is directed at me.
“All right, I’ll go. But let me tell you this.” Her voice rises, growing harder. “My parents always followed their hearts. They never stopped to think or work out the consequences of their actions. Not once. It was always instinct and emotion over logic and planning. Well, guess what? I got left behind.” Her small fist punches her chest with a hollow sound. “I suffered. Not once did they consider the effects their actions would have on me.”
She blinks rapidly, and her voice changes again, cracking. “I’m sorry if I worry. If I weigh pros and cons and ignore my heart sometimes. But I can’t be like them. I can’t be likeyou.I won’t. When I choose forever, I want it to be forever. Ineedthat.”
I’ve made a grave mistake. I’ve pushed her too far when I should have yielded. “Chess...”
“No.” Her hand slashes through the air. “We’ve said enough. My head hurts and don’t want to fight.”
