Page 120 of The Hot Shot
I don’t argue. I leave her to it and head out. I run for a long time, but I don’t find any answers while I’m gone.
Chess
What if I’ve made a mistake?
The thought tumbles around in my head with relentless persistence. I told Finn something intensely personal. The only other person who knows is James, who found out because he was at the studio when I came back from my appointment.
Maybe it was too soon to tell Finn. Who wants to talk about conception or the lack thereof less than a month out from having sex with someone? I probably sounded like an emotional jock chaser. I wouldn’t be surprised if he fears I’ll be asking for a ring next.
God, he’d looked spooked. And then so freaking stubborn.Finn is a problem solver. He relies on instinct, whereas I like to think things out.
“Argh.” I rest my head on the kitchen counter, letting the cool stone soothe my hot cheek.
I should have just told him the bare bones and moved on, had some fun with Finn without worrying about some shadowy future. Yet, I can’t do that. I’m totally gone on this man. What did James call it?
Besotted.I totally am. If I let myself fall any further, it will wreck me if we don’t last. I need for us to go in eyes wide-open, or I will always worry.
Predictably, after I dropped my no-baby bomb, Finn had been withdrawn. Oh, he had still reached for me as we got into bed, slid his hand down my pants and insisted that I’d be more comfortable never wearing clothes to bed again. He’d fucked me into oblivion, with quiet intensity that felt almost like desperation, as if I’d soon disappear on him. I’d felt the same and turned to him with a neediness that bordered on painful.
But it feels as though there’s a rift between us now. I put it there.
Finn had left early for his home game today. I’d expected him to ask me if I wanted a ticket to go watch, but he hadn’t said a word. Just gave me a light kiss on the mouth and said he’d see me tonight.
It hurt so much that I hadn’t watched him on TV. I caught up on work instead. Dinner at the kitchen table is lonely now that I know how it feels to share it with Finn. My dinner is finished, and I’m still alone in a too quiet condo.
“Shit.” I push myself upright and open my laptop. I don’t know how to turn off my mind or stop from worrying. I put my focus on work instead. Work is safe. Work I understand. I can control it.
I’m touching up a photo when Finn comes home. I look up from my perch on the kitchen stool to find him limping along, his expression drawn and tight.
I know pain is part of his life. It still guts me every time I see him hurting. “Hey,” I say, catching his attention.
“Babe.” Finn moves toward me, going at a snail’s pace. Jesus, he’s in a bad way.
I jump off my stool. “Bedroom.”
His lips curl in a tired but pleased smile. “I like how you think, Chester, but you’re gonna have to do most of the work tonight.”
“My man, the eternal optimist.” I fight a smile. “But I was talking about getting you horizontal so you can rest.”
He bends his head and gives me a soft kiss. “I like my plan better. But keep calling me your man. It soothes my weary soul.”
I roll my eyes and put my arm around his waist. “Come on, hot shot, we can negotiate terms in bed.”
Finn slings his arm over my shoulders and gives me a light squeeze as we slowly move to his bedroom—ourbedroom now.
“I love coming home to you,” he says with a content sigh. “I have from day one. But now...” He glances down at me. “It makes it all worth it.”
A lump rises in my throat, and I press my lips to the side of his chest, just breathe him in for a moment. He smells of soap, the clean cotton of his shirt, and the warmth of his body. “I’m glad you’re home.”
Once inside the bedroom, I grab a remote and turn on the gas fireplace. It flares to life, soon to send warmth radiating into the cool room. The bedside lamps give the bedroom a soft golden glow. I realize why his decorator did his room in warm tones and luscious fabrics. This place is a haven for his tough days.
“Want some dinner?” I ask him.
“Downed a cheeseburger and some fries on the way home.” He heads straight toward the bed.
“No soaking bath?”
“Had an ice bath after the game, then a hot shower.” Finn toes off his sneakers. “I have no interest sitting around in more water.”
