Page 118 of The Making of Jonty Bloom
Devan glanced at him. “What doesohmean?”
“You said you’d give me a job.” Jonty wished his voice didn’t sound so…little. “I have enough money to wait until you can sort it out.”
“I will. I just didn’t want you to have been sacked for something you didn’t do. But if you don’t want to go back, that suits me fine.”
Relief flooded Jonty’s chest and he smiled. “We can spend our time making sure about that sexual compatibility thing. Right?”
Devan laughed. “Right.”
“I feel a bit as if I’ve stepped onto a train that’s going faster and faster. I had my life under control and now it’s not.”
“Does that bother you?”
Jonty swallowed hard. “Yes and no.I’ve been hiding all my life, protecting myself any way I could. Keeping quiet. Curling up in small places. When I learned that humour worked as a deflection, I used that. If I could laugh when I was hurt at school, then it made me the powerful one. But I have places inside me that barely need to be touched before I’m in pain. Sometimes, when it gets too much, I have panic attacks.”
Devan grabbed his hand and squeezed his fingers. “You verged on one when we were rescued and you didn’t want to go to hospital.”
“Hospitals bring back memories of being beaten, memories of how scared I was,awareness that I could tell no one, and I had no one who loved me. I didn’t belong anywhere. I couldn’t risk being gay and that hurt. I think people guessed, but I never admitted it. I laughed it off. I was too frightened of losing the one person who was there for me.
“Tay was my anchor. He held me firm, kept me in place. Without him, I’d have been washed away. He even tried to get his parents to adopt me when my father was put in jail. But his sisters kicked up a fuss, so that was that. When I got the job at the hotel, I was so happy. It was like I had a family of my own, people to look after. Marcus taught me how to cook basic stuff and I watched him work whenever I could. That’s how I knew how to make your meal. Though if you’d picked something difficult, I’d have struggled.”
“It was delicious.”
“The problem with the hotel is that staff come and go. I’ve been there longer than almost everyone. The manager before Vincent liked me a lot more than Vincent does. Vincent isn’t going to like me at all if he loses his job.”
“Do you want the hotel sold?”
Jonty thought about it. “Are you asking me if I wish you hadn’t caught me with that Flake in my mouth? That you’d never come up here and confirmed the hotel was something you wanted? If the first thing I’d known about it was Hamish telling me and the rest of the staff tomorrow that we’d be out of a job after Christmas? If I wanted to lose my job and everyone else to lose theirs? Or would I rather everything had stayed the same, that I’d never met you and selling the hotel had never even come into Hamish’s mind?”
“I got lost somewhere in that, but all of that, yes.”
Jonty shrugged. “I can’t pretend none of it’s happened. We are where we are. Hamish wants to sell. You want to buy. I’m happy I met you. That’s the one thing that’s…” He swallowed hard. “Hey, no one knows what the future holds, whether tomorrow’s waves will be good surfing ones or not. You take what you can, while you can.”
Devan put both hands on the wheel to negotiate a tight bend. Jonty missed their hands being together.
“I’m glad I caught you with that Flake in your mouth. I’m glad I got to be the one who came up here. I’m glad the hotel impressed me. Almost as much as you. I’m glad I could tell you before you heard it from Hamish what I was doing up here. I wish I could have told you before you found out from Ravi and the major. Meeting you has been the best thing…” For a moment, Devan choked up. “I’d walk away from this deal, but I won’t walk away from you. Stop worrying that I might.”
Jonty’s heart did a jig on his stomach. He put his hand on Devan’s knee. “Want a blowjob?”
Devan laughed. “Yes, but not right now. Your best sweater, remember?”
“You’re turning me down? I knew we were sexually incompatible.”
“We need at least a year to be sure of that.”
“Only a year?” But Jonty was glad Devan hadn’t said a month.
DEVAN PULLED UP IN Aparking bay in front of a line of houses that were part of a small housing estate, and turned off the engine. “You okay?
No.Jonty nodded. “God! Do you know how hard it is to nod and think no at the same time? Does it work better with thinking yes and shaking your head?” Jonty tried it. “Damn. I can’t do it. Can you make a clockwise circle with your right foot, while drawing a number 6 with your right hand?”
Jonty was flailing and his breathing turned shaky.
Devan caught hold of both of his hands. “You’re okay. Stop worrying. I’m not going to let him hurt you.”
You can’t protect me from his words.But Jonty leaned over and kissed him.
“You don’t need to go in.”
