Page 120 of The Making of Jonty Bloom
“An apology,” he blurted.Damn, damn, damn.
“An apology? You sent me to fucking prison. Because of you I lost my job, my friends, my pension. The powers-that-be decided I’d abused my position as a police officer and brought the service into disrepute…” He coughed again. “All because I gave my kid a good hiding for being a liar and a thief.”
And gay.Jonty curled his toes in his shoes.
“You going to deny it?”
“I lied every time my teachers asked how I’d got those marks on my legs or arms. I lied when I said I couldn’t have anyone round to play because my non-existent gran was sick. I lied when I told people you were a good dad. I stole stuff you wouldn’t buy me. Sweets, crisps, pencils. I wanted what everyone else had, but you wouldn’t even do that for me.”
“If I hadn’t been a copper, you’d have been in serious trouble for your thieving.”
Jonty almost wanted to laugh. “Did you ever wonder whether that was part of the reason I did it? I wanted someone to see what you were doing to me. You nearly killed me that last time. It was a lot more than a good hiding. You kicked me unconscious. Broke my arm, two ribs and a bone in my back. Dislocated my shoulder. Fractured my jaw. When I came round, you’d gone to work and left me lying on the living room floor. I lay there for twenty-four hours and you never came back so I had to force myself up and somehow, I made it to school. When I did, they called social services.”
“You could have lied.”
Jonty snorted in disbelief. “That I was attackedagain? I finally saw sense, saw that you were never going to stop, that you couldn’t stop because something inside you was broken. You drank to stop it hurting you and hurt me instead. I wanted to feel sorry for you, but you were so vicious. When you got pissed and angry, you didn’t even see that you were hitting a kid. I kept thinking you’d change and you never did.”
“Huh.”
“I needed medical help that last time you hit me. Getting to school was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. If I hadn’t already been in my uniform, there was no way I could have put it on.”
“I was drunk. You got in my way. You always got in my way. I would have come back sooner, but I got caught up in something at work.”
Jonty hadn’t really thought his father would be sorry, but to hear him still try to excuse what he’d done, made him feel sick.
“They spoke to your mother when they arrested me. Did they tell you?”
“They said they couldn’t find her.”
His father choked out a laugh. “She said she didn’t want you. Her new family didn’t know about you and she wasn’t prepared to disrupt their lives for a teenager with issues.”
A cold sensation crept up Jonty’s spine as if he were sinking in icy water.
“She didn’t want you when you were eight and she fucking definitely didn’t want you when you were fifteen. Just like I didn’t want a son who wouldn’t kick a ball or watch rugby. One who freaked out when he had to go to hospital.”
“Because more often than not,youwere the reason I had to go to hospital and you made it clear if I didn’t lie, I’d be in even worse trouble.”
“You were such a fucking baby. You cried for your mother night after night.”
Jonty screwed his hands together. “And you came in and hit me until I shut up.”
“It worked. You learned not to cry.”
Jonty turned to Tamsin who was leaning against the door, her face pale. “Does he hit you? Well, not now he’s confined to bed, I guess.”
“Want to know where your mother is?”
Jonty turned back to his father. “No.”
He thought his knees would buckle at the lie, only it wasn’t a lie. It struck him with the force of an avalanche that he didn’t care. She could have helped him and she hadn’t. If his father was telling the truth.If…He was. Jonty felt it.
“You’ve two half-brothers. And your sister. Yeah. Denny. She’s grown into quite a beauty. I keep tabs on them. Wouldn’t you like to see them?”
Jonty couldn’t bring himself to say no. A family who didn’t even know about him. He wasn’t sure he could stand the disappointment of them rejecting him too.
“I know where she lives. Your mother. Just like I know you live in Alnwick.”
Jonty kept telling himself not to react, but he lost the battle. “I thought you’d no longer have the capacity to hurt me. I thought—he’s dying, he won’t want to die without saying he’s sorry. What a fool I was. You were a terrible father and nothing’s changed.”
