Page 134 of The Making of Jonty Bloom
“I should have told you about Tay,” Jonty blurted.
“Why didn’t you?” Devan pulled out of Tay’s parents’ drive. He wanted to ask if he’d been Jonty’s boyfriend, but he was afraid of the answer, afraid of how he’d feel about Tay’s recovery.Fuck it. I’m not a good guy. Jonty deserves better.
Jonty sighed. “I guess I didn’t say anything because I like to pretend Tay’s fine, still my friend and still around. I talk to him in my head sometimes. He’d already had his accident by the time Brad went nuts with me. I can’t tell you how much I missed him. Still miss him. He was lying there in his hospital bed and no one knew if he’d survive and I needed him to hug me and tell me what to do about Brad and he couldn’t. Somehow, I started to talk to him in my head, imagine him standing next to me, cycling with me. He was sort of there when you arrived at the hotel.”
Oh God.Devan swallowed hard.
“I know that sounds crazy, but he’s my best friend and I miss him so much… It was comforting imagining what he’d say back to me and I could hear him so clearly, the exact sound of his voice, as if he was really there. I know it was just me.”
“Did he like me?”
Jonty chuckled. “He knew how much I liked you. He kept telling me to apologise. Course, I rarely did anything he told me to.”
“You did apologise.”
“After a fashion. I know I wasn’t very professional.”
“Very?”
“Youdidcatch my sarcasm virus. Sorry. I know I shouldn’t have spoken to a guest like that. But you had all the charm of a pissed-off hungry polar bear who’d realised penguins lived at the opposite pole. You just…irritated me and make my cock twitch at the same time. That’s quite a skill.”
Devan shot him a smile.
“Are you going to ask me about Tay?”
Not whether or not he was…is gay.“What are his chances of recovery?”
“Depends who you talk to. If someone’s in a vegetative state for a long time, in Tay’s case, that would be another seven months on top of the five, because he had a traumatic brain injury, then it’s called permanent and recovery is extremely unlikely, but not impossible. He might move from minimally conscious to vegetative, but his mother is convinced he can come back. I suspect his father is less hopeful, but he goes along with whatever his wife wants.”
Jonty took a deep breath. “It breaks my heart to see him like that. I wouldn’t want to keep living if that was all I had, fragments of consciousness that might not even be real, but even though he’s been like this for five months, while there’s still a chance, I’m with his mother and I hope he’ll get better. When he reaches that twelve-month point… Then it will get harder. She loves him so much that she can’t see any end to this other than him recovering. Each time he moves or groans or appears as though he’s responding, she… Well, you saw. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“Is Tay talking to you now?”
“No, but if he was, he’d be sayingshut the fuck up and live the life you have while you can.”
Devan did one of Jonty’s swift direction changes. “While you make the pizza, I’m going to sit in the hot tub.”
“No, you are not,” Jonty said. “You’re going to help me, then we’ll both sit in the hot tub.”
“I’ve never made a pizza.”
“Then you’re fortunate to have someone with incredible pizza making skills to show you how. There is so much you can learn from me. My hands are skilled at kneading and pulling and stretching and teasing and…” Jonty made a strange sound then, a sort of choked whimper, and Devan glanced across at him.
“Are you okay?”
“I just turned myself on.”
Devan laughed.
“I feel happy,” Jonty whispered, “and guilty for feeling happy, which isn’t fair. I like being with you. I like us doing things together. I like thinking about you, talking to you, making you laugh. I like that you make me laugh too and I love that thing you did with your… Too much, too soon, yeah? Sorry.” He coughed. “I should carry duct tape or a ball gag with me at all times. Hmm, maybe not the ball gag because that reminds me of the guy I’m not going to mention anymore.”
Devan put his hand on Jonty’s knee and kept it there until they got back. He wished things were less complicated, but Tay was right. You had to live the life you’d been given. One life, one chance and don’t fuck it up. He was relieved Jonty could switch moods so easily. For a guy with so many problems, he was more upbeat than anyone Devan had ever met. But Devan wasn’t sure how he felt about being a replacement for Tay. What happened if Tay woke up?
They climbed out of the car and “Is he gay?” came from Devan’s mouth before he could stop it.
“No,” Jonty said. “I used to wish so hard that he was. You’d think I’d know that wishes don’t come true.” Jonty stared at the door of the cottage. “We should have sellotaped a hair across the door.”
Devan opened it. He was relieved Tay was straight. “I think tape might have given it away. You’re not still worried that someone got in, are you? Nothing was taken if they did, and there was a lot that could have been. My laptop for a start.”
