Page 149 of The Making of Jonty Bloom
“When Tay wakes up, he’ll tell them the truth,” his mother said.
Jonty nodded.
“We should go now,” Devan said. “It’s been a really long day. Jonty’s had quite an ordeal.”
“Of course.” Philippa hugged Jonty again.
“I’m sorry I ever met Brad,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to Tay when he told me Brad wasn’t right for me. Please forgive me.”
“Jonty, there is nothing to forgive,” she said.
JONTY EXHALED DEEPLY WHEN HEand Devan left the house. The fragments of energy he’d had left had finally gone. He climbed into the car and slumped in the seat. “I’m so tired,” he muttered. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the glass. No matter what anyone said, he blamed himself for what had happened to Tay and he wasn’t sure how he could cope with the guilt.
“You made Tay’s parents happy tonight,” Devan said.
Jonty spun round and gaped at him. “Happy?”
“They had their son back, just for a while, but he was in their world, fully responding.”
“What if he doesn’t do it again?”
“He will. He did it once, he’ll do it again.”
“I know it sounds crazy, but now I feel worse about him than I did before because I’d sort of convinced myself he didn’t really know what was happening around him, but what if he did? What if he’s been fighting all this time to make us see that he’s still there? He must feel so lost, so fucking…” Jonty bit his lip to keep the tears at bay.
Devan’s hand settled on Jonty’s knee. “That’s guilt talking. Ignore it. This was not your fault.”
Yes, it was and guilt was going to keep him in Northumberland, going to see Tay two or three times a week. Guilt was going to stop him going to London with Devan. Guilt was going to destroy his life.
“I haven’t changed my mind about seeing my mother tomorrow. I don’t want to. Will you tell her for me, please?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“That I’ve waited for her long enough. That I’ve finally realised the person I was waiting for doesn’t exist. I know she felt pressured into meeting me and that wasn’t what I wanted. So it’s okay, I don’t need to meet her anymore. She isn’t going to tell me she loves me, that she thought of me every day. There’s going to be no bundle of cards and letters that she wrote and never sent. She’s not what I need. Not now. She hurt me and nothing she says can make that right.”
He sucked in a breath. “And add that she’s a selfish bitch and I wish I hadn’t wasted seventeen years thinking she might feel bad about abandoning me.”
“Er…”
“Fine. Don’t tell her that bit, but call her. Now, please. Then delete her number from your phone. And block her. If she wants to find me, not that I think she does, let it be a bit harder than just calling you.”
“Okay. Keep quiet then and she won’t know you’re there.”
Why do I feel better?Meeting her had been supposed to be what he’d wanted and he’d realised it didn’t matter anymore. Even if she’d met him with tears in her eyes and sobbed out an apology, there was nothing she could say that would make things right. Denny didn’t need to know he even existed.
“Hi, is that Rosie?”
“Yes.”
“This is Devan Smith. Are you okay to talk?”
“One moment.” There was a faint noise of conversation, then a door closing before she spoke again. “Okay. I’m glad you’ve called. I’ve been having second thoughts about meeting Jonty, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
Fuck you!“Hello, mum.” The words lodged in Jonty’s throat. He’d waited so long to say that. And thefuck you,but still…
There was such a long pause, Jonty wondered if she’d put the phone down and wasn’t listening. He wanted to yell thathewas walking away fromher,but instead he kept quiet and waited.
“Jonty.”
