Page 136 of A Long Way Back
“What do you think of the hotel?”
“Who wouldn’t want to stay here? It looks great.”
“Can I get another photo?” someone asked.
A flash went off and Ink’s heart imploded. He stepped away from Devan and turned his back. As Devan chatted to the photographer, Ink left the lounge and found himself heading out of the hotel. His tie was choking him and he tugged at the knot until it was loose, then undid his top button. He knew he was overreacting, but it was impossible not to.
This was why things never worked.
He found a path to the beach and followed it down, trudging through the heavier sand until he could walk on the hardpacked stuff. The tide was on the way out and, just for a moment, a slightly longer moment than he would have liked, he thought about going out with it. But he walked along the edge of the sea away from the hotel. He wasn’t going to die today. Tay had enough to deal with.
At least when Ink was in charge of his own destiny, he wasn’t hurting anyone else, but he couldn’t stand the idea that he might hurt Tay.
Too late.
TAY AND JONTY STARED AT each for a long time and neither of them spoke. Jonty had rarely been this quiet and every time Tay opened his mouth, words failed him.
“You look good,” Tay finally managed.
“Thanks. We got the suits in London and… I wanted to come and see you but when you made it clear you… I missed you.”
“I’m sorry,” they blurted at the same time.
“What do you have to be sorry about?” Tay asked.
“A lot of stuff, but Brad Greene in particular.”
“What he did was not your fault.”
“But if I’d never gone out with the wanker in the first place… If I’d listened to you…”
“If you’d listened to me, we’d never have had our adventures when we were boys, we wouldn’t have had anywhere near as much fun. Mind you, if you’d listened to me, we wouldn’t have had to be rescued off the causeway to Holy Island.”
Jonty winced.
“Donotblame yourself for what he did. It’s done and he’s in prison. I did sort of blame you for a while, for not listening, but that was when I was depressed and thought I might never get back what I’d lost. It was hard to see you enjoying life when I wasn’t. I know that makes me sound like a dick. Iwasa dick. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“I wanted to talk to you. I really missed you.”
“I missed you too. I want to thank you for being such a good friend. You kept coming to see me and chatting as if I was talking back to you, and I looked forward to your visits more than you can know. You were the best friend I could ever have wished for.”
“I talked some rubbish.”
“You were you. And I loved that. I loved hearing about things you were doing until it began to get me down and instead of dealing with it, I told my mother I didn’t want to see you again.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t keep coming. Devan said I had to give you space. Sometimes he’s right. I drive him mad, just like I did you, but in a different way.”
“I shouldn’t have pushed you away, not without explaining why.”
“You just explained why. I knew you were pissed off about Brad.”
“It wasn’t just that.”
“What then?”
“I was jealous of Devan.”
Jonty’s eyes widened. “But he wouldn’t have stopped us being friends.”
