Page 137 of A Long Way Back
“I’m gay.”
Jonty blinked. “What did you say?”
“Don’t make me say it again.”
“You’re not gay. Why are you gay? What do you mean you’re gay? How can you suddenly decide you’re gay? What happened? Why didn’t you tell me?” He got up and began to pace. “All that time I wanted… I hoped… But you had girlfriends! Why would…? I didn’t even…” Jonty ground to a halt. “Oh God, you know how much I wished you were gay? Why didn’t you say anything? Are you sure? What if you’re bi? Nothing wrong with being bi. You like women and men. That’s fine.”
Jonty sat down again and started to bite his nails. “Look what you’re making me do and I’ve been so good.”
“Get your hands out of your mouth or I’ll tell Devan to buy that disgusting stuff to paint on your nails.”
Jonty sat on his hands.
“I’m not bi. I was confused. I think I only went out with girls when you found a guy to go out with. I don’t know what I was trying to do, but it was never right.”
“Devan loves me,” Jonty whispered. “It’s a fucking miracle. Wow, another one.” He gave a short laugh.
“You deserve to be loved. I’m glad you’re happy.”
Devan had moved onto the patio, but Tay didn’t think Jonty had realised. He stood listening.
“You’ll really like Devan. He’s awkward and sarcastic and difficult and he’s always convinced he’s right. I have to pretend I think he’s right too or he sulks.” Jonty winked at Tay and he realised he knew exactly where Devan was. “And oh God, in bed? What a disaster. I’ve had to teach him such a lot. I’m still not sure if we’re sexually compatible.”
“Is that right?” Devan sat next to Jonty.
“I wasn’t going to go into detail.”
“I should hope not. So are you two friends again?”
“Never not friends,” Jonty said. “Tay’s gay.” He clapped a hand to his mouth. “Fuck. Sorry. People know now, right? Well, two of us do. Are you sure? I mean that you’re gay. How can you have gone so long and not known?”
“Jonty?” Devan put his hand on his knee. “Time to shut up.”
“I’m out. It’s okay,” Tay said. “Is Ink there?”
“He’s walking on the beach,” Devan said. “I’m guessing he feels a little vulnerable, you two meeting up again.”
Jonty shot Tay a look. “Is Ink the guy with purple hair? You’re with him?”
Tay nodded.
“And I’m with Devan. What is there to feel vulnerable about?” Jonty turned to Devan. “You don’t feel vulnerable, do you? You know I love you. Now I’ve said it four-hundred and ninety times. We’re a pair. We go together like cheese and mustard.”
Devan chuckled. “Jonty, I’ve never met anyone else who likes cheese and mustard.”
“It’ll grow on you.” Jonty looked from Devan to Tay, and maybe it was Tay’s imagination, but he seemed to see a myriad of emotions pass over Jonty’s face and hoped that Jonty took the same message from him.
They might have, but they hadn’t and now they never would. But it was okay. This friendship would never die.
“Is there a job Ink could do at the hotel?” Tay asked. “I’ve dragged him up here from London. I start back to work on Monday, only from home—my parents’ house—and I want him to have something to do.”
“He could help me,” Jonty said.
“What sort of things can he do?” Devan asked.
“He’s really smart. He can do most things.”
“Okay. Eight on Monday. I’ll give him a try.”
