Page 155 of A Long Way Back
“I’m trying to be excited, but nothing feels right. Nothing but you. You feel perfect. All of you. Well, one bit of you in particular. Your big toe. Exquisite.”
“There you are. The guy I’ve missed. Mr Sarcasm.” Tay smiled. “Sure you’re up to the BBQ with Jonty and Devan tonight?”
“Yep.” The honest answer was no, but Ink realised he was going to have to drag himself out the hole he appeared to have unexpectedly tumbled into.
TAY WANTED TO HELP INK, but he didn’t know how. Counselling could work, though Tay worried the damage ran so deep that Ink might never mend. His sense of self, his dignity, his belief in the world had been dealt serious blows. What had happened was part of him forever and he had to accept that and move on.With me.
“I like Ru,” Tay said. “And Bela.”
Ink gave a quiet sob.
“I hope he comes back after he’s seen your parents. You need to get to know one another all over again. I want to get to know him too.”
“I feel so bad about what happened to him.”
“And what happened to you wasn’t bad?”
Ink and Tay headed down to the water. Dog raced ahead of them and went through a pool of seawater that was deeper than he’d expected, and he went under. He emerged bedraggled, shook himself, and ran on.
Tay took hold of Ink’s hand. “See the message in that?”
“Check how deep the water is before you throw yourself into it?”
“If you fall in a hole, climb out, shake yourself off, and enjoy the rest of your day or in your case—life.”
“I’m sorry I’m so miserable. I know I keep moaning.”
“I don’t mind you moaning, but I’d prefer it to be for a different reason.”
Ink laughed.
“Don’t expect too much of yourself.”
“For a long time, I thought everything went wrong the day Ru disappeared. I was swept up in a perfect storm that grew out of problems in rugby, issues in the changing room, a fight, bullying, me being late to meet Ru… But I see now, it started a long while before that. One brother falling out with another that led to deep resentment on both sides. Arguments about family and money. Jealousy. A wife with mental health issues. The death of a son. Grief. If my father had treated his brother with respect, none of this would have happened.”
“Maybe not, but now you have a chance that you didn’t have before. You can be a paramedic. You can be anything you want. You can travel abroad. You don’t have to worry about your photograph being taken. You can ring that talent scout, become a pop star, buy a mansion in Malibu, and I’ll be your pool guy and wear tight Speedos while I service your every need.”
Ink smiled.
“You don’t need to feel edgy when you go out or worry that people are watching you. I know you can’t just step from the old world to the new and feel everything is fine, but it Will. Be. Fine. Not just fine—great! Because I’ll be travelling along with you.”
“Are you telling me to snap out of it and pull myself together?”
“For fuck’s sake, yes! I think three days is plenty long enough to mope when you’ve had the most brilliant news. I miss you. I still need you. I don’t think I’ll ever not need you.” The breath caught in Tay’s throat.
“A new life together, right?” Ink’s broad smile was like a burst of sunlight pouring out of him.
“Right. To think my parents worried when I wanted to go to London that I’d end up living in a filthy hovel with a creepy landlord, and I’d get tattooed by someone who couldn’t spell let alone draw, and I’d become addicted to heroin—well, they were nearly right there, and I’d sell myself for money for drugs—only they were thinking of women not men, and instead I ended up with a gorgeous boyfriend and a dog.”
Tay took a deep breath. “Are you going to run if I tell you something?”
“Depends what you’re going to tell me. That you’re a mad axe-murderer? A serial poisoner? A sex maniac. Oh yep, I think I might have hit the nail on the head there.”
Tay caught hold of Ink’s other hand and stood facing him. “My heart is pounding, my mouth’s dry and my stomach’s churning.”
“Are you coming down with something?” Ink whispered.
“Yep. I’ve got it bad.”
