Page 19 of A Long Way Back
As long as he needed to.
Did he really think that if not for that long-lasting, futile attraction to Jonty, he’d consider himself straight? He’dtriedto be straight and failed. But he was too afraid to be gay.
Ink and his parents went out into the garden that Tay never used because it was down a set of steep worn steps. Tay watched from the back door. There was another door to the garden from the hall for the other residents. The communal laundry was under the stairs. Tay had never even seen anyone use it apart from him. If it hadn’t been for the noise from the flat above his, he might have thought he was the only one in the building.
The outdoor space was shared among the three flats. A company came to cut the grass, but it had been a different person each time. Tay had never met any of the other tenants.No one had ever knocked on his door, and with two flights of stairs to reach their flats, Tay hadn’t thought knocking on their doors was worth the effort, even to tell the person above him to turn the noise down. He’d just ordered earplugs online.
His daily dose of exercise only came after he’d psyched himself up to go out—and it seemed to him that he was going out less and less, which was a bad thing. It wasn’t just because it was an effort to get his wheelchair up and down the steps. There just seemed no point in leaving the flat unless he needed something. He’d lost interest in life. The effort to appear upbeat to his parents for the past couple of days had taken its toll, and he could already feel himself sliding back into thick mud. He didn’t know whether his lack of concentration had more to do with his depression than his brain injury. He didn’t want drugs to be the answer, but they currently were because they made life tolerable. More than tolerable, if only for a brief time.
At least he’d got to the high street on his crutches yesterday, even if he’d had to ride back. That was progress, wasn’t it? Except the cost of yesterday’s excursion was him taking more tablets than he usually did, and now his body ached and he was exhausted. He thought about the pills in his drawer. Thought about that sample Lennie hadgiftedhim that he’d hidden in a shoe. He had to get rid of that. Soon. He just wanted everyone to leave him alone.
They came back into the flat after inspecting the garden. A patch of lawn, a wooden seat, a couple of small trees and a high wall at the bottom and one side wall covered in ivy and vines. A view beyond of more houses.I miss the sea.But how happy would he have been to be looking at it, unable to go into the water? How would he have coped, knowing Jonty was still around? With fucking Devan. Devan fucking him. He shuddered.He might have told his mother he didn’t want to know where Jonty was, but he knew Devan and Jonty were together. More to the point, if he’d stayed in the north, his parents would have seen how low he’d fallen.
“I’ll go online and buy you a bed,” his mother said to Ink and took out her phone.
“Thank you.” He smiled at her.
Ink’s face lit up when he smiled. There was a slightly unusual look to his features that Tay couldn’t identify. His accent was neutral. No clue there. He was a couple of inches shorter than Tay, but just as skinny.
They all went into the main room, Tay bringing up the rear.
“What’s your real name?” his father asked.
Ink took out a wallet and showed him his bank card.
His father huffed a laugh. “Ink Farrow. I thought Ink must have been short for something or a nickname.”
“No.”
“I need to sit down,” Tay muttered. The noise in his head was increasing in volume.
Ink turned to him and moved aside. “Do you know where the couch is? Need me to navigate? Check for obstructions or booby traps? Sweep crumbs from your path in case you trip?”
His mother laughed and Tay huffed. “I think I can find it.”
“Tay needs more help than he’s prepared to admit to,” his father said.
“Are you telling me not to listen if he says he’s fine?” Ink asked.
“Hey!” Tay protested.
“He’ll say he’s fine when he’s not.” His father glanced at him. “It’s his favourite word. Don’t just accept what he tells you.”
“He’s very stubborn,” his mother added, then went back onto her phone.
“Thanks, guys. I am here.” Tay settled on the couch and held in his groan of relief.
“We’re going on a three-month cruise and we need to be able to trust whoever looks after him.” His father stared at Ink.
“I’m not completely helpless,” Tay said through gritted teeth.
“I’m reliable.” Ink met Tay’s father’s gaze. “The last thing I’d want to do is to hurt anyone.”
“I hope that’s true.” Tay’s father wasn’t looking happy. “I’d feel more comfortable ifHelperhad sent you because they do a criminal record check. We know nothing about you. You could have just come out of prison or be running a scam or…be a serial killer.”
“Jeff!” his mother snapped.
His father glared at her. “You’ll worry.”
