Page 74 of A Long Way Back
Oh God, that sounds like something Jonty would say.
“In case you think I’ve been faking my homelessness,” Ink said, “I was once forced to read a recipe book out of boredom because there was nothing else in the squat and it was raining too hard to go out. Food porn.”
Tay was still smiling as he stepped into the shower. He didn’t feel completely right, though the symptoms of withdrawal were less intense. The stomach-churning nausea was intermittent rather than constant. He didn’t ache as badly as he had, but his head still throbbed. He’d have to learn to live with that.
His need for codeine had… He didn’t want to tempt fate and say it had vanished, because it hadn’t, but it had lessened in importance. No longer at the level of desperate, it had moved down several places on hismust havelist. He knew enough to understand that quitting the drug would leave him feeling low, but that wasn’t how he currently felt. He was unsettled, but he felt optimistic. He could see a way out. If he’d blown things with Ink, that wouldn’t last.
Back in the kitchen, Ink sat at the table. There was bread waiting to be toasted and a pan of water simmering on the hob.
“I’ve never had poached eggs,” Ink said. “I am so excited.”
“Oh God, no pressure then.”
But several minutes later, they sat eating perfect poached eggs and Tay was feeling pretty pleased with himself, though he’d not managed to eat as much as he’d hoped to.
“You must be feeling better.” Ink cut off a square of toast and dipped it into the egg yolk.
“I am. But I still need…help. I don’t want you to leave. I know I kept telling you to fuck off, but I’m glad you didn’t. You were right about the codeine.”
“You’re not going to stop wanting it, not for a while. Your body still craves it. All these messages are firing in your brain telling you that you need it, alongside the ones telling you that you need me. The withdrawal symptoms are going to take a while to go.”
I don’t care if I’m hooked on you.
Ink slipped a morsel of eggy toast to Dog, who came straight to Tay’s side and looked up expectantly.
Tay fed him a bit too. “I know the secret to winning the battle now.”
“What’s that?”
“I can be happy without drugs. Happier.”
Ink lifted his head and gazed at him across the table. “You can, but don’t make me your addiction. I’m worse for you than codeine.”
Tay’s throat filled. “Not possible.” He’d heard the warning, though that didn’t mean he understood it. Tay kept his thoughts to himself. He didn’t want to do or say anything that would make Ink want to leave.
“What about going to the cinema this afternoon?” Tay suggested. “We could see what’s on at the Barbican. And I’d like to take you out for steak and chips.”
Ink smiled. “It’s a big jump from poached eggs to steak and chips. You haven’t eaten much and I’m full. To be honest, I’m not sure I’m up for going anywhere today. Maybe we could watch a film here or lie in the garden if it’s sunny.”
When Ink winced as he got up to clear the table and clenched his teeth, Tay swallowed hard. “Sure you’re okay?”
“I’ll live. I feel like an idiot for handing Lennie a homemade cosh. I wasn’t thinking.”
Tay took out his phone. “I’m deleting his number and blocking his calls. Not that I think he’ll call, well unless it’s to ask me out on a date.”
Ink smiled. “How do you feel now you can’t contact him?”
A pang of anxiety churned his stomach, but the sensation passed. “Relieved. I’m not going to mess this up.”
“Good.”
Ink’s smile was so tender, it felt like a caress. But his eyes were dulled by pain.My fault.
“You won’t leave…yet, will you?”
“No.”
Tay pushed to his feet and went over to the sink. They stared at each other and the air turned thick with tension. If Ink hadn’t been injured…
