Page 46 of Reinventing Cato
“The scariest thing I can think of, well apart from someone sticking a sound up my cock.”
“Oh God. I want… I’m not…” Vigge sighed. “Considering I’m a decisive, quick-thinking cop, I’m not making a good job of this.”
“Just pretend you’re telling Father Cato.”
Vigge half-groaned, half-laughed. “I’m not experienced at any of this. I’ve never been part of the gay scene. I’ve never danced in a gay club. Never been on a date. Never held a guy’s hand—until now.”And I’m only doing that because it’s dark.
“Have you had sex—other than with yourself? Not counting what we did?”
“Yes. A few times.”
“How many is a few?”
“Enough to know how to do it. Enough to know I like it. But never anywhere near where I lived. Never with anyone there was a risk of me bumping into again. I drove bloody miles for a fuck. Though sod’s law will have it that one day I’ll be in a restaurant in the middle of nowhere and find myself sitting near a guy I’ve been with. I remember my mum telling me that she and dad had gone to a pub about forty miles away from where we lived—they’d been to see some castle—and when they walked in, they saw one of their neighbours all over a woman who wasn’t his wife. Awkward.”Stop waffling.
“I try not to remember the faces of the guys I’ve been with. Usually.” Cato smiled at him.
“Am I lucky you remembered me, then?”
“You seemed vaguely familiar.”
Vigge allowed himself to hope. “I want to ask you out on a date, and before you say no, if you were thinking of saying no, I also want to tell you that you’re the first guy I’ve ever asked out. So if you do say no, I might never recover. I’ll be forced to sneak back into my half-open closet and stay there.”
“You want me to drag you into the light?” Cato gasped. “Like a vampire?”
“I was thinking of some gentle encouragement. And I’m not a vampire. Dragging a vampire into the light is a death sentence. I’m not going die if you help me come out.”
“I think you might need more of a hard yank. Or two.”
“You’re right.”
“What were you like as a teenager?” Cato asked.
“Popular. Sporty. Musical. Clever. Lonely. Miserable. An introvert pretending to be an extrovert.”
“Spotty?”
“Don’t remind me.”
“Did no one wonder why you didn’t have a girlfriend? Or did you have one?”
“Yeah, they wondered. No, I didn’t have one. Not really. There was a girl, but… No one guessed I was gay. I don’t know whether that makes me lucky or not. I feel kind of ashamed I was able to hide what I am.”
“And did you do anything when you saw gay kids getting teased and bullied?”
“I intervened when I could.”
“But you didn’t come out.”
“No.” When he had, the consequences had been dire. He wasn’t sure he was ready to tell Cato that part of his life story. “When did you tell people you were bi?”
“I think kissing a girl sitting in the middle of the coach, then a guy sitting at the back, when we were on an orchestra trip to Paris, gave me away.”
“How old were you?”
“Fourteen. No one made a fuss. Well, the girl slapped me after she found out I’d kissed Ax as well as her, but he gave me my first ever blowjob that night, so… Worth it! It helped that I had a brother at the same school who was gay and most definitely out. No one dared mess with Devan. He could cut you in half with a look. He’s two years older than me. He’s always been a protective older brother. More to our younger brother than me, but Devan looked out for me. Still does.
“My parents sort of rolled their eyes when I told them, but they were okay about it. Using my sister’s eyeliner was probably a big clue. I think they figured out they still had a chance of grandkids from me if I was bi. Now times have changed and they worry more as to whether I’d be a suitable parent. I’m a bit insulted by that. My younger brother, Griff, who’s bi too, brought a woman home for Christmas so he’s Mr Popular. Though he’s always been the favourite. I turned up on my own as usual. Devan brought his partner, Jonty, who is absolutely fabulous. A bit like me.”
