Page 87 of Reinventing Cato
“Because I’m a man? Or because I’m a bi man? I do understand. I’m sorry that you and Max can’t have children.”
“Really?”
He nodded.
“I don’t expect you to completely understand,” she whispered. “But you can appreciate how I feel. It’s like I have a hole inside me.”
He didn’t doubt that she wanted a kid, but it wasn’t going to be his child.
“I always wanted children,” she whispered. “I assumed I’d have them. I fell in love with Max—then you—and now I find Max is infertile and it hurts.”
Cato hadn’t expected the tears. Louise was gripping the duvet so tightly that her knuckles were white.
“Do you want kids?” she asked.
“I hadn’t thought about it.” That wasn’t true. He thought he would like kids, but if he said that now, he’d be making this situation worse.
“You’d be good with them. Come and live with us, please. Let’s try again.”
“What about the job with NASA?”
She gaped at him. “You’ve got it?”
“Don’t sound so shocked.”
“I… Don’t take it. Please.” She rose from the bed and dropped to the floor at his feet. Just like Max had done.
“Max never stops talking about you. He’s desperate for you to come back. He misses you so much. The three of us can be happy. I know we can. We love you.”
No, you don’t. Not in the way I deserve to be loved.“I haven’t got the job yet. I have another interview.”Just in case you sent those texts.But he couldn’t see her running his mother off the road, although he supposed she could have paid someone to do it.
She gave a shaky sigh. “Just give us another chance. Come over next Saturday. For dinner. Stay the night. We can talk.”
“I’m not coming back.” Cato stood up and moved away. “Please leave.”
She pushed herself up and went to stand in front of him. “I’m begging you, Cato. I’ll do whatever you want. You don’t have to live with us. You don’t have to ever see the baby if you don’t want to. Obviously, you don’t need to pay any sort of support. Max…”
Maybe she saw the look on his face because she wisely dropped that line.
“If you don’t want to go to a clinic, then maybe you could come when I’m at my most fertile or I could come here. Max doesn’t have to be around if you don’t want that. He’d understand and—”
Cato put his finger over her lips. “No more. I’m not doing it.”
Her face changed in an instant. She knocked his hand away and stepped right into his space. Though she was much smaller than him, he found himself backing into the wall.
“You selfish bastard. Is giving me a child so much to ask? You might never have cared about me, but I know you cared about Max. Do it for Max.”
Cato surprised himself when he hesitated. But Max had let him down. Hurt him. Sent him diving back into behaviour that he was now ashamed of.
“Find someone else. I’m not going to do it.” Cato was surprised how calm he felt and sounded.
“Fine,” she snapped. When she reached the door, she turned to look at him. “You’ll regret it.”
Cato said nothing, but he followed her down the stairs to make sure she actually left. The locksmith was just coming up the path and Cato led him to his room.
Louise’s words were echoing in his head.You’ll regret it.It would be such a relief to believe she was behind all this, but Cato really wasn’t sure.
After he’d shown the locksmith out, Cato went into the kitchen where Sam and Pedro were drinking coffee.
