Page 10 of Waiting for Ru
“Do you think they’ll wash it?” Jasim glanced at him.
“Probably not. Your sweat is worth thousands.”
Jasim laughed.
He settled back in the seat and watched the countryside flash by. He shouldn’t have given his card to Ru, but he was glad that he had.
Ru watched from a distance as Cookie and Joni were loaded up. He breathed a sigh of relief when they behaved. The man who’d bought them was a lot older than him; taller too, with straight dark hair and olive skin. Long, thick lashes framed his large dark-brown eyes, and the way he’d looked at Ru had…had made Ru feel strange, sort of unsettled. Although Jasim bin Rajhi had said his family was in Saudi Arabia, he sounded English.He’s probably more English than me.
He didn’t know why the man interested him so much, but he did. Though why had he made Ru feel so…odd? Had it just been his exceptional kindness or something else? Ru hadn’t felt shy talking to him, which was unusual. Would he really not mind if Ru went to see the horses in England?
Ru didn’t think he could bear to watch the others being sold. Charlie and Misty and… No, he couldn’t. He had to assume they’d all go to people who’d love them or he’d end up with nightmares. He’d said goodbye to them in their stalls at the auction, given them a final brush, and that would have to be enough. He pulled on his jacket and headed for the bus stop.
If he was being honest, he’d been most concerned about the future of Cookie and Joni. Not that he wasn’t worried about the others, but they’d all be okay sold on their own. They were well-behaved horses. None of them had any issues. But Cookie and Joni needed to be together. He partly blamed himself for that. His uncle had told him to break their dependence, but Ru hadn’t tried too hard. It wasn’t as if it was easy to separate them on a small farm. He liked watching them follow each other round and the way they rested their heads over each other’s neck, even though it made him long for a friend of his own.
He googled the name on the card as he travelled back to Dublin. Benning Park was about seventy miles from Andover, where his parents lived. Ru had been shocked when he’d realised Jasim bin Rajhi lived so close. His full name wasPrinceJasim bin Rajhi.A prince.Ru gulped.Wow!But he’d seemed so approachable and ordinary!
There were lots of images of Jasim playing polo, holding up trophies, smiling out at the camera in muddy polo gear, looking handsome in dinner jackets, mysterious in Arabic dress with other men wearing the same, some of him sailing on a yacht, others standing next to members of the British royal family and several with women at his side.
Jasim was good-looking.Striking. Ru felt a curl of desire in his groin.Does thinking that a guy is good-looking mean that I’m gay? Probably yes, if it makes my cock perk up.Sex was something Ru knew little about, other than what he’d read in the books his aunt had bought him. All he’d really learned was how babies are made.
He’d discovered by accident how good it felt to jack off. Ru had woken with a hard-on, wrapped his fingers around his cock, and a drag of his hand up and down had made him shudder with pleasure at the sensation, which made him do it again, with an end result that had shocked and astounded him.
It felt so good, but it also felt like something he wasn’t supposed to do. He’d worried that his aunt would be able to tell, and anxiety had stopped him doing it again. Until another book told him it wasn’t bad. Ru had done a lot of jacking off after that. Something just for him that made him feel good, if only for a little while, well… It had been irresistible.
Though things hadn’t gone much further than that. Ru hadn’t felt any strong attraction to women or men from pictures in his aunt’s magazines. Not that any of them had been naked. Certain features appealed more than others, but that was all. He didn’t feel interested in breasts and wondered what that meant.
When his uncle returned from one of his trips with a newspaper and magazines for Aunt Nessa, Ru had pored over those when she’d done with them, read them cover to cover, more than once. He sucked up information, taking in what the lives of others were like, what people ate, where they went on holiday, what crimes they committed, what you could buy, what films were being shown, what books were best sellers, details of homes of the wealthy, gossip about TV stars, film stars, sports people…gay people.
How could you tell?They looked different. Sharper dressed. Bright clothes. Some stood in a certain way, but now he knew they were just posing for the camera. He had so much to learn. Aunt Nessa had once told him that men weren’t supposed to like each other and kiss and do other stuff. He’d askedwhat other stuff?She’d not told him. Ru couldn’t remember why the subject had come up. He’d not argued, but he’d not understood. Telling him something was bad just made it more interesting.
Along with drawing comic books, he’d also sketched two boys entwined together. Ru and his imaginary friend who’d been taller and older with dark hair. He used to look at them and curl his hand around his cock, except his uncle found the sketches and burned them. Then Ru had been beaten. He’d been beaten more times than he’d led anyone to believe. That was something for him to keep quiet about. He was ashamed. His uncle had taken away his paper and pencils and Ru would rather have been beaten again than lose those. But that hadn’t been an option. He was left sad and confused about things he felt he should be sure of.
He was still sad and confused. He wished he could just take a tablet one night and wake the next day knowing everything the average boy of his age would know. Not just facts but feelings.
You’re not a boy.
No, he wasn’t. But he felt more like a boy than a man. He’d been robbed of his childhood. There was so much to catch up on. Ink and Tay had given him a crash course in all things to do with modern living, but so much went over Ru’s head because he couldn’t cope with that amount of information. Ink helped him get a phone, and Ru had thought he was going to drown when Ink explained about data and contracts. Tay showed him how to use Google, telling him not to believe everything he read online and that Wikipedia was not gospel. Ru didn’t even understand that expression and when he did, he didn’t understand how anyone could put things out there in the world for everyone to see when they were lies. How could you believe anything?
Ru googled polo. It looked fun, playing a game while you were riding. Not that he’d ever be able to take part. It was an expensive sport for rich people. Everything was easier for rich people. Without money, life was hard and uncertain. You didn’t have to have money in order to be happy, but wouldn’t it help?
When he got off the bus in Dublin, he thought about finding out which hospital his uncle was in and going to see him. Then he thought about what he hoped to achieve and changed his mind. There’d be no apology, no contrition, just denial. So he caught a bus to the airport and arrived far too early for his flight to Southampton. Sitting and waiting gave him too much time to think about what he was going to do with his life. He’d rather have been busy so that he didn’t have to think.
By the time he boarded the plane, all he’d done was wind himself up into a state of anxiety. Before they took off, he called his father.
“Ruari! Are you okay?”
The eagerness in his father’s voice upset him. He didn’t want to hear that. “I’m on board. The plane’s on time.”
“I’ll be there to collect you.”
“Thank you.”
Ru ended the call before anything else was said. He’d been considering going up to Northumberland once he had Bela. But… He didn’t want to intrude on Ink and Tay, not as they were making a home together. There was nothing for him up there apart from his brother and his brother’s partner. Ru needed to learn to live on his own, take responsibility for his life, to decide what he wanted in his future and make it happen. That was being a grown up.
He didn’t want to live with his parents, but he had nowhere else to go. Maybe it was better to stay with them for a little while and look for a job. Once he had some money, he could rent a room. Staying with them didn’t mean he forgave them.
