Page 14 of Waiting for Ru
Ru winced. Why hadn’t he called first to check? “Is he due back soon?”
“What business do you have with him?”
“It’s about a horse.”
She gave an exasperated sigh. “He’ll be back later today.”
“Can I…come in and wait? Would that be all right?” It took Ru a moment to realise she was no longer listening to him.
He decided to keep cycling until he reached the end of the wall. Maybe he’d be able to see Cookie or Joni in the fields.
The wall went on for quite some distance and when it ended, he looked back to see fields and paddocks, some holding horses, and there was a big house beyond. Ru keep cycling until he found a place where he could sit away from the road and eat his lunch. As he took off his helmet, Bela joined him and he fed her part of his sandwich. Ru thought about keeping half of it to have later, but hunger got the better of him.
He sagged. He wasn’t going to last five minutes away from civilisation. He didn’t have it in him to trap food let alone prepare it and eat it. He knew a little about which berries were safe and which weren’t. Ditto with mushrooms. He’d wandered in the woods around the farm and come back with things his aunt had either accepted or discarded. But he couldn’t trust any water supply unless it came from a tap. How was he supposed to clean himself, shave, go to the toilet? Within a short time, he’d look a mess. So he needed to see Jasim today, then he’d buy a train ticket to Northumberland. He might not have wanted to bother Ink, but he had nowhere else to go.
Ru called him.
“Hi, Ru. How are things?”
“I’ve left Andover.”
“Left, as in you said, so long, farewell,auf wiedersehen, fuck off, or did you sneak out?”
Ru winced. “I texted.”
“Oh.”
“I didn’t want to tell them. They’d have tried to get me to stay.”
“Is everything okay? Is Bela all right?”
Ru could hear the concern in his brother’s voice and guilt kicked in. “Bela’s grand. I just couldn’t live there any longer. I think I’ve applied for every job in the area and not found one. I’m not even good enough to wash cars.”
“Come up here.”
Ru almost cried.
“Did you hear me?” Ink asked.
“Uh huh.”
“Ru, listen. I know just where you’re at because I’ve been there too, feeling lost and confused. We were both in prisons of different kinds, and emerged into a world we no longer knew. It takes time to adjust. I’m still adjusting. You will be too. I don’t want you living on the street like I did. It’s not safe. You need time and space to recover. Don’t expect too much of yourself.”
“I just…” Ru swallowed his sob. “I just can’t see what’s ahead of me. Everything I want to do, I don’t see how I can. It’s as if gates keep slamming in my face every way I turn. I’m in a maze and I can’t find the way out. Everything looks so black.”
“You just can’t see the light yet, that’s all. But it’s still there, even if you can’t see it, and it will shine for you again.”
“It doesn’t feel like it. I’m…falling and it’s so dark.”
Ink sighed. “I wish I could give you a hug right at this moment.”
Ru wished that too. “Yeah.”
“Think of happy things. Stop thinking about what you can’t do, think about what you can. You can build happiness from small things. Smile at someone. Talk to a stranger. You don’t need to chat, just wish them a good morning. Look happy and you’ll feel happy.”
“I need work of some sort. I couldn’t even get a job handing out leaflets.”
“You said you had money.”
