Page 44 of Waiting for Ru
“Because it would take too long to get there, the journey would wear me out and cost far too much. I think I can be happy with less. I spent so long dreaming about the future that I convinced myself anything was possible. But in the cold light of day, I can see it isn’t.”
“Did you want to be a vet?”
Ru gave a resigned sigh. “I gave myself away, didn’t I, regurgitating that list of diseases and maybe my insistence about there being something wrong with Pepper. Yes, an equine vet, though. I don’t really care about hamsters and snakes and sheep and goats. Well, I do care, obviously I do, but not enough to want to learn everything about them and how to make them better. Horses are what I love. Maybe I can be an equine nurse. I’m still thinking. I’ve only been free for a little while.”
“Free?” Jasim’s heart stuttered.
“Look online and then you’ll know.”
The wordfreetold Jasim that Ru’s life had not been his own. He thought about Tye, or Caleb as he now was, and as his throat closed, he found himself wrapping his fingers around Ru’s.Two young men in my world caught up in something bad?Ru gave a gentle sigh and curled his fingers around Jasim’s. One moment of panic. Long enough to thinkIs this a trap?But he looked into Ru’s gentle, anxious face and he couldn’t accept that Ru knew anything about his past. Just as he didn’t yet know about Ru’s.
This…boy…young man needed him and rather than wanting to run, Jasim wanted to help him. And when Ru’s head settled on Jasim’s shoulder, Jasim ignored all the raging voices asking him whatthe fuckhe thought he was doing and accepted the trust of someone vulnerable for the second time in his life. Accepted too that he would not let Ru down, that Ru was right, somewhere inside him there was a kind man. A kind man who’d done a terrible thing for the right reason.
He wasn’t sure how long they sat there, saying nothing, just being together, being needed by each other, before he heard his name being called.
“Jasim! Are you out here?”
“You better go.” Ru pulled his hand away.
Jasim stood up and when he turned, Ru had picked up his books and gone.
As he strode back towards the house, Jasim had to fight the temptation to immediately go online. Instead, he had to play the gracious host for another hour before the final guests left.
When Jasim was alone in bed, he picked up his phone and started to read.
Thirty minutes later, he’d been through everything he could find, including the story of Ink, Ru’s brother.Bloody hell!Ru might not have wanted Jasim to feel sorry for him, but how could he not? He didn’t think Ru was weak or stupid. Jasim had been too late to see the truth about Tye, and he wasn’t going to make that mistake again. At least Ru was safe from his uncle.If he hadn’t been, what would I have done?
Jasim wanted to help Ru, but he’d have to be careful. If he showed any favouritism, he ran the risk of people looking for an ulterior motive. They wouldn’t find one at the moment, but Jasim wasn’t sure how long he could keep his hands off Ru. The sensible thing would be to find him a job elsewhere and let him go.
That wasn’t going to happen.
Ru rushed back to his room, mortified about so much of the last twenty minutes that he almost hoped for a sinkhole to open up and swallow him. As if she could sense when he was upset, Bela flew through the window and settled on his shoulder, cawing quietly at him, rubbing herself against his cheek.
“I’m grand, I’m grand.” But Ru couldn’t reassure himself, so he was certain Bela wasn’t reassured either.
But at least the TV was no longer loud, so going to sleep wouldn’t be an issue. Well, it wouldn’t have been had he not found himself going over and over everything he’d said and done.
Had he done the right thing in telling Jasim? He thought he had. It had been weighing on his mind that the truth might come out and then Jasim would wonder why he’dnottold him. Though he had to admit, he was nervous about the next time he saw him. What would he say? He was also mortified that Jasim might have seen the drawing he’d done and would have got the wrong or maybe the right idea about why he’d drawn it.
He brushed his teeth too hard and made his gums bleed. Worse than what Ru had said was the way he’d behaved. Jasim had probably just squeezed his fingers as a gesture of comfort and would have let him go again, but Ru had clung to his hand as if he’d been drowning. That was bad enough, but to make matters worse, Ru had leaned against him.Oh God.What was I thinking?But it had felt so good just to be close to someone, to be touching another person, particularly one he…
I fancy him.No point trying to deny it any longer. Was he finally getting his head around the fact that he was gay? There’d been so much else to stress about, he’d tried not to think about it, but Jasim had changed all that.
Bela left his shoulder and fluttered out of the window. Ru stripped naked, and lay on his back in bed. To have a crush on someone so unavailable just proved he was stupid, despite his claim not to be. Was it pathetic to fancy a straight guy? That it was his boss made it even worse. Even if Jasimwasgay, the guy was so far out of Ru’s league that they were on different planets. Had Jasim guessed he fancied him?I’m an eejit.Jasim would probably be really kind about it, but Ru would do everything he could to make sure Jasim had no idea.
Except he couldn’t stop thinking about the way Jasim’s hand had felt, the way he’d let Ru lean against him. Ru’s hand slid to his hardening cock and squeezed. He found himself imagining it was Jasim’s hand on him and he pressed his lips together to silence his groan. He felt the tingle of desire, a clawing ache, then a more urgent need on the rise all over his body. Ru kicked back the duvet and jerked his closed fist faster. No interest in going slow because he couldn’t. It took no time at all before he came, orgasm slamming into him like a heavy weight. Sparks flashed behind his eyes as come splattered over the tensed muscles of his abdomen.
What if Jasim is doing the same now, while he thinks about me? Oh look! Santa Claus has left me presents.
The following morning, the alarm caught Ru with his hand wrapped around his cock and he wondered if his fingers had been there all night. His thoughts went straight to Jasim and what he’d say when Ru next saw him.What amIgoing to say, too?Maybe he ought to tell his story to those he worked with, though he didn’t want to. It was hardly the sort of revelation you could slip into a conversation. Though telling it was not the main problem, it was more the questions that would follow or the change in the way he was treated or spoken to. Though in the case of Mike, how could it be any worse?
Ru left before anyone else was up. He’d turned out Cheyenne, and was busy with Cookie and Joni in the isolation barn when Georgia arrived with a helmet, blue jacket and a pair of riding boots.
“If the boots don’t fit, let me know.”
“Thank you.”
“How are things? Do you have everything you need?”
