Page 95 of Waiting for Ru
“I’m old enough to be your father.”
“Barely. You’re not old.” Ru threaded his fingers in Jasim’s hair. “Not to me. The others might call you granddad behind your back, but…”
“Who says that?” Jasim snapped.
“No one. I was teasing. You’re stronger, more agile and fitter than any of them. I’ve never heard anyone say anything negative about you.” Ru worried he’d upset him.
“You don’t feel I’m taking advantage?” Jasim trailed his finger down Ru’s nose.
“No. Are you worried I’m after your money?”
Jasim tipped back his head and laughed. “Get in line behind the horses.”
“I don’t care that you’re older than me. No one knows about us. Well apart from Leigh and Newt. What came over you? After all you said! I couldn’t believe it when you took my hand.”
“You made me brave.”
“You don’t think I made you foolish? I’m worried.”
“I trust Leigh and Newt. I should have trusted them before. You’re making me see sense. Your attitude to life has given me the courage to open my eyes. The dark doesn’t look so dark anymore.”
Ru smiled. “You make me feel older than I am. Maybe I make you feel younger. Yes? That seems a good thing. I’ve heard everything you said about being careful and I have been and I will be. I really like Leigh and Newt. I like the thought of them being our friends. Even if we can only have two, and maybe my brother and his partner one day, then that’s fine. I’m learning how to sneak around and now I know that you have a millionaire’s bedsit… We can have fun.”
Jasim stared at him.
“That’s all I’m hoping for,” Ru whispered. “I won’t ask for more.” He frowned. “Well, maybe a shower.”
Jasim laughed.
Later, after the shower, Ru nestled in Jasim’s arms and Jasim didn’t have the heart to tell him to go. He didn’t want him to go, though he couldn’t explain to himself why he felt that so strongly. How long had it been since anyone had wanted him? Since he’d allowed that to happen? Tye had never wanted him. Jasim swallowed hard. Had he tried to fool himself that Tye had in any way enjoyed what they’d done? When Jasim had discovered the truth, he’d felt such…shame.
This was different. No one was forcing Ru into anything. For some reason, Ru liked him. Jasim had trouble figuring that out. Had Ru felt he needed to show gratitude for him buying the horses, for offering him a job, by having sex with him?Shit, I hope not.He didn’t want to believe that. Hedidn’tbelieve that. He suspected it was Ru’s inexperience that had pulled them together. Ru didn’t know what else was out there.He deserves more than me. Better than me.
But… He liked the way Ru touched his chest so gently with his fingertips, as if Jasim was something special, something precious. He liked the feeling of Ru’s smile, the curve of his mouth, when Ru’s face was pressed to his. He liked the wild, lost look in Ru’s eyes when he came. He liked the way he could make Ru come. He liked that Ru could make him laugh and make him see things were not as black as they seemed. Ru’s trust was everything. Jasim was not going to rush this. He needed Ru to be sure.
More than anything, Jasim wanted to make Ru happy, to make him forget about all that had gone before. He wanted him to live the life he deserved to have, to be whatever he wanted to be. He felt honoured that he was Ru’s first, flattered that Ru wanted him to take him on this journey.
All Jasim’s wants burned inside him, and alongside of them all, ran fear. Fear of discovery, fear of this not lasting, fear of it lasting forever.
