Page 97 of Waiting for Ru
Meals on the farm had been plain and repetitive. He’d learned how to cook by watching his aunt. That turned out to be important when she started to spend longer and longer in another world. Ru had been shocked by the choice when he’d gone to a supermarket in England. So many things he wanted to try,stillwanted to try. He could tick olives off the list, though he liked olive oil.
Ru wasn’t sure if Jasim was expecting him at the pool that afternoon. There’d been no texts. He didn’t feel confident enough to message him and ask about swimming. When they were together, everything felt right, but when they were apart, Jasim was more than a world away. Ru wanted to feel safe and happy all the time. If he couldn’t, should he stay here, should he be letting this—whatever it was—go any further? Wouldn’t that lead to him feeling trapped?
He cycled back wondering if he could talk to Newt or Leigh. Would Jasim see that as a betrayal? He sighed. In some ways, life had been simple in Ireland. Get up, work, go to sleep—on repeat. He might have dreamed about life beyond the farm, but it was all he’d known for so long that at least he hadn’t spent his time worrying.
When he reached Benning Park, the place seemed almost deserted. There was no one around and the car had gone from the back of the accommodation block. Ru unpacked everything, put the perishable items in the fridge, then went out to Cookie and unfastened her plait. She seemed happy enough so maybe he’d overestimated how she’d react to being parted from Joni. Should he learn a lesson from that?
Ru gathered up his workbooks and sketchpad and walked away from the buildings until he found a quiet place to sit in a far field where the grass was longer. He knew he was in sight of the house, so no point denying that he hoped Jasim would see him and come.Text him!His invisible friend giving him advice, but Ru was wary of bothering Jasim.
He started to go through some of the maths problems, except his mind wandered away from ratio, proportion and rates of change. He felt as if he was sitting on a raft in a choppy sea. Not in imminent danger of drowning, but the gnawing anxiety of that happening was there, an awareness that things could so quickly go wrong. Small waves one moment, a towering sea the next. Afloat, then under the water. Questions churned in his head, mostly about his future, and how Jasim had been caught up in that.
Choosing to be an equine nurse had been the right thing to do, but now he had to make it happen. Could he have Jasim as well? He wanted to believe it was possible, but how? His heart kept clamping as he thought about it. They liked each other, but Ru needed more than a secret rendezvous every now and again. Maybe Jasim could be content with that, but for Ru, it wasn’t enough. He was being unfair to himself to think it might be. He didn’t want to be someone who was convenient for sex. He was worth more than that. He needed a friend and while it would be good for that person to be a boyfriend, what he wanted was someone who’d be there for him, a relationship that wasn’t one-sided.
It almost came as a shock because Ru hadn’t thought he needed anyone. After spending so long on his own, he’d learned to be content with his own company and the little voice in his head that he sometimes spoke to.
I’m still here.
I know you are.
Sometimes, Ru had been lonely, but he’d coped. He’d settled to it. But that was then. Now he didn’t feel like that settling was enough. He’d had a taste of what a relationship would be like and he wanted more. He wanted what Newt and Leigh had, what Ink and Tay had too. If Jasim couldn’t offer him that, should he stay? Because he was torturing himself if he did.Oh God!
Though he had to give Jasim a chance. Ruwantedto give him a chance. There was a way forward and Ru had to make Jasim see it.
As time ticked on, Ru wondered if Jasim would call to ask him why he wasn’t at the pool. Three o’clock came and went, and there had been no contact. Ru concentrated on the maths. Two more sections and he’d finish the book.
“Is swimming with me so bad that you’d rather do maths?”
Ru swivelled round to see Jasim standing behind him and his heart jumped. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to give me a lesson today.”
Jasim held out his hand. “Let’s go for a walk.”
Ru let himself be pulled up, and was disappointed when Jasim let go of his hand.
“What have you been up to?” Jasim asked as he headed for a stand of trees at the bottom end of the field.
“I cycled to the supermarket. I bought some food and I also bought swimming trunks.”
Jasim smiled. “I liked you in wet shorts.”
“They kept riding up.”
“I noticed.”
Ru laughed. “What have you been doing today?”
“The gym. Training. Cycling. Stretching. I went for a run. I didn’t ride. It’s hard not to ride. I feel like missing a day means I reduce the chance of us winning the cup. I know that’s crazy.”
“I wanted to take Joni out, but I was told no riding today.”
“You could have ridden her.” Jasim frowned.
“I wasn’t going to argue about it. I’ll ride her tomorrow at some point. Paolo has me covering for Rodrigo so I can take his ponies out when the others exercise theirs.”
“All of them? You think you can manage?”
Ru nodded. “I’ve done it in Ireland. Bareback.”
Jasim chuckled. “Of course you have. Probably standing on the horse’s back, right?”
