Page 132 of Inbetweeners
“Fabulous!” Her eyes gleamed. “And what about you?”
“A suit,” Emmett said. “Like James Bond, but he needs a violin case.”
“What?” Phoenix frowned.
“It would work as a stool. Plus, you can carry stuff in it.”
“I’m not sure it would work as a stool.” Rachel looked between the two of them. “But I do have an empty violin case, as it happens. Is this to buy or borrow?”
“Buy.” Emmett didn’t think she’d want it back covered in blood, and it might be.
“To be honest, you’d be better buying a suit from next door. Mine are very obviously fake and you need something smarter to fool someone. Tell Jon that Rachel sent you and he’ll give you a good deal.”
“Okay.”
Cat was still curled around Phoenix’s shoulder when he left.
“Is this for a joke?” Rachel asked.
“He’s bet us he’d see through any disguise. We don’t want him to win.”
“This is going to be fun!”
Probably not, but he wouldn’t tell her otherwise.
Emmett stared in the mirror of the changing room as he was transformed by Rachel. His hair was now spiky pink and didn’t even look like a wig. He wore a studded black collar, faux leather waistcoat with straps and chains that left his midriff exposed and jeans so tight he could barely zip them up. Rachel had applied temporary tattoos on both arms and down one side of his face, and put fake piercings in his ears and on his lip, then added a spiked wristband.
“Wow,” Rachel said. “One last thing.” She held up a mascara wand and raised her eyebrows.
Oh, why not?“Go ahead.”
Emmett came out into the shop and stood in front of a larger mirror. “How did I miss being a punk? I look great! Thanks so much.”
He paid her and bought the violin case too. “I want to see if Phoenix recognises me. I’ll nip next door. Thanks for all your hard work.”
“I wish I was going to be there to see the guy’s face. Have a good time.”
Emmett had stashed his other clothes in the violin case, but once they were back at the car, that was where the knives and holy water would go. The violin case could work for defence in the way a stool would. He leaned against a lamppost outside the shop next door and waited. Phoenix came out a few moments later with Cat on his heels. He glanced at Emmett, glanced again, then laughed.
“You look astounding,” Emmett said. “A grey-haired James Bond. Is that a wig or have you had your hair cut?”
“Me? I didn’t recognise you. Fucking hell, Emmett. Piercings? Tattoos? Come here.”
Emmett stepped into his arms and Phoenix kissed him, curling his tongue over the fake piercing.
“Oh for fuck’s sake, don’t make my cock hard, it’ll burst through the zip,” Emmett whispered.
Phoenix dragged his hands up Emmett’s arse. “You look spray-painted into these.”
“I feel spray-painted into them.”
Phoenix chuckled. “I nipped into the barbers while they adjusted the suit, had my hair cut and coloured with something that will wash out. This is the first suit I’ve ever bought.”
“Try not to get blood on it because I want you to fuck me while you’re wearing it.”
“If we weren’t on our way to—”
“Save the world?” Emmett smiled.
“Let’s settle for saving our annoying sidekick and Rashid.”
