Page 146 of Inbetweeners
“I have to watch the chips or I would. They’ll turn from perfect to overdone in an instant.”
Though it wasn’t just that. Phoenix would be sleepy in the bath and more vulnerable. Emmett didn’t want Vin to ruin this. Emmett needed to believe that all he’d done would make them safe.
The chips went back into the oil for a second round and Emmett laid the table and turned the lights down. He put a handful of fortune cookies next to the bottle of wine. Why had he bought those? He didn’t even like them.
He had time to write one more letter, to the family of Charlie Rose, which he’d have to send to the police, before Phoenix came into the room. He was only wearing his shorts. Phoenix took one look at Emmett, started to laugh, then gaped at him. “You dyed it?”
“Like it?”
Phoenix pulled him into his arms and kissed him. “You look cute.”
“No one has ever called me cute.”
“Well, you are. Especially in those tight shorts. I didn’t see you buy hair dye.”
“I have my ways.”
“I bought chocolate.”
Emmett smiled. “You have ways too. Where did you put it?”
“You think I’m going to tell you?”
“You do realise I’ll take the flat apart looking for it if you don’t.”
“You told me not to tell you.”
“I didn’t mean it.” Emmett whined. “You don’t know me at all.”
Phoenix laughed. “We ready to eat?”
“I’ll put the steaks on now. I didn’t want to overdo them. Then there’s one last last thing.” Once the steaks were cooking, Emmett picked up the full bottle of holy water and a new kitchen sponge. “I want to dab this all over you.”
Phoenix stared at him for a moment. “Okay.”
Emmett poured a little liquid onto the sponge and wiped it over Phoenix’s upper body. Phoenix cried out, grabbed his chest and collapsed on the floor, writhing and gasping. Emmett stared at him in horror.
“Fuck!” Emmett rushed to the sink and filled a jug with water. When he turned, Phoenix was standing behind him.
“Oh, you complete bastard.” Emmett glared. “If it wasn’t a waste of the holy water I’ve put on you, I’d chuck this all over you.”
“Sorry. I couldn’t resist.”
Emmett set the jug aside, turned the steaks, and went back to what he’d been doing. He wiped the holy water all over Phoenix’s back and the places he couldn’t reach, and left him to do the rest of his body while he checked the food. By the time Emmett had put the plates on the table, Phoenix had finished.
“Did you do your hair?” Emmett asked.
“Yes, and behind my ears, mum.” Phoenix picked up his knife and fork. “My mouth’s watering.”
“I hope the steak’s tender.”
He needn’t have worried. It melted in his mouth. The chips were perfect too. Crisp and golden on the outside, soft and floury on the inside.
Phoenix raised his glass and held it out. Emmett tapped his against it.
“Thank you for everything,” Phoenix said. “I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else with me on this adventure. Thank you for being you.”
Emmett stared at him a moment, then said, “I wish I wasn’t me.”
