Page 151 of Inbetweeners
“And who am I?”
“My boyfriend.”
He felt Emmett squeeze his waist a little tighter.
They parked outside Orion’s house and locked the helmets away. It felt weird to be doing this when Nix felt he looked the same, yet knew Orion wouldn’t recognise him. He was curious to know what hedidlook like through his brother’s eyes.
When Orion opened the door of the bungalow, Nix couldn’t speak.
“Can I help you?” Orion asked.
Nix felt Emmett nudge him, but he was on the verge of losing it. Orion wouldn’t have spoken to him if he could see who he was. This was the closest he’d been to his brother since they were kids.How can I make him understand how sorry I am that I fucked everything up?
“Er…” Orion looked between the two of them.
“He’s a bit overwhelmed,” Emmett said. “Sorry. He used to work with Phoenix. I’m Emmett. This is Jack.”
“You used to work with my brother?” Orion’s voice had dropped to a whisper.
“He told me a lot about you,” Nix blurted. “I wanted to come and see you and talk to you and—”
“Come in.” Orion moved aside and they stepped into the bungalow.
Nix felt for Emmett’s hand and clung to it as they followed Orion. When they ended up in a small but tidy room with a young woman sitting on a couch, a baby in her arms, Nix only just held in his groan. He hadn’t known.
“This is my wife, Maisie, and our little boy, Phoenix.”
Nix did groan then and it was only Emmett keeping him upright.
“Pleased to meet you,” Emmett said.
“This is Emmett and Jack,” Orion said. “Jack used to work with Nix on the lifeboat.”
Nix wasn’t sure he could talk to his brother in front of his wife, and not say the things he wanted to say.
“Maisie knows about everything,” Orion said. “If that’s what’s worrying you. What Nix and I had to endure…”
That didn’t make it any easier.
“Maybe the three of us could go for a walk,” Emmett suggested. “Would that be okay, Maisie? Orion can tell you what Jack says later.”
“That’s fine.” Maisie kissed his brother and the love that Nix saw on their faces both hurt and healed some place inside him. “Then come back and have a cup of tea, okay?”
Once they were away from the house and heading up the road, Orion said, “What’s this about? Did Nix have some message for me that you were supposed to pass on if he died?”
“He was so sorry about what happened when you were boys,” Nix said. “What you saw. He felt guilty.”
“He did what he felt he had to do.”
“Did you think it was the right thing to do?” Nix asked.
“What does it matter now? I lost him the night our parents died. He was taken away and I wasn’t allowed to see him. I asked for him and they said no, so I stopped speaking. I didn’t want to tell anyone what I’d seen. I thought it would look bad for him and I didn’t want him hurt. I didn’t understand that in keeping quiet, I’d made things worse. When I started to talk, pleaded to see him, my case worker said he’d been locked up for his own good, that I was better to forget about him, forget that I’d ever had a brother.”
“Did you?” Nix asked.
“To be honest, I tried. For a while. It hurt to remember him. Hurt that he wasn’t with me. My case worker told me that Nix had cold-bloodedly killed my mother when she could have survived. I didn't believe her.”
Nix gritted his teeth. Why would anyone tell Orion that? Yeah, he had killed her, but she’d been in agony and going to die anyway.Oh God, was I wrong?Nix could see everything clearly in his head. A picture he’d never been able to lose. There was no way she could have survived. Her brain had been…
