Page 152 of Inbetweeners
They started to walk down the path towards the sea. He and Orion had used this same route so many times, ten-year-old Nix holding his little brother’s hand, knowing that they were safer out of the house, away from their heroin-addicted mother and violent father.What if she could have survived?
“She was dying,” Nix said.
“How would you know?” Orion asked.
Nix hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but he needed Orion to believe he’d done the right thing.
“Nix told me she’d lost half her head. He didn’t kill her because he hated her. He did it because he loved her. She did the best she could with a violent husband who was drunk more than he was sober. But she was a drug addict. That was her escape, though it shouldn’t have been with two kids to look after. Her best was nowhere near good enough.”
Orion gave him a curious look, then concentrated on the steep path down to the concrete promenade.
“Nix wanted me to tell you he wished he’d tried to get in touch with you sooner, when he was released. He tried when he was in the young offender institute, but his letters were returned unopened.”
“Wanted you to tell me?” Orion frowned. “That sounds like he knew he was going to die. And I never got any letters.”
Shit. You’re too sharp and what the fuck on the letters?“We used to spend our shifts talking. Sometimes it got a bit morbid, especially if we’d pulled a body out of the water. We chatted about what if something happened to us, what we’d like people to know. I don’t think it ever crossed our minds that either of us would ever need to do this.”
“I saw him once on the boat.”
Nix glanced at him, hiding his shock. “Did you? When?”
“Couple of years ago. He’d done a rescue. A woman who’d jumped into the water after her dog. Nix saved both of them. I read about it in the paper and I thought maybe I could talk to him. But I chickened out. I figured if he’d wanted to speak to me, he would have found me. I ended up in care in Surrey because I needed specialist help. Well, that’s what they said. But once I’d finished college, I came back to Herne Bay. I thought… Well, that it would make me easy to find.”
All that wasted time.
“Wow,” Emmett said as they stepped onto the concrete promenade. “Oh, low tide. Is that the spit where you can find sharks’ teeth? I read about it online.”
“Let’s go out there,” Nix said.
“I would love to find a shark’s tooth,” Emmett said.
“We had a huge collection,” Orion said. “Our father threw it away.”
“You remember that?” Nix asked.
“I remember everything to do with my brother. He was my hero.”
Nix felt as if Orion had reached into his chest and squeezed his heart.
“How do I look for them?” Emmett asked as they made their way over the pebbly-clay area.
“Use your eyes, doofus,” Nix said without thinking and heard Orion gasp behind him.
Oh fuck.
“That’s what Nix used to say.”
Nix turned to see Orion staring at him. Emmett came up at Nix’s side and took hold of his hand.
“I know he died,” Orion whispered. “I know that, but I feel as though…”
“We—”
Nix started to speak but Emmett put his fingers to Nix’s lips. “Shush. Let Orion talk.”
“You don’t look like my brother, but you sound like him.” Orion chewed his lip. “Are you him?”
“Nix is dead.”Oh God. Do you see me?
