Page 137 of Fe
“Yes. What did the letter say?”
“Alejandro saying he was sorry, asking Ripley to forgive him. He said he loved him, but hated himself more.”
Mateo groaned.
“He said it wasn’t Ripley’s fault. He felt he’d let everyone down, especially Ripley and the weight of that got too much. There was something about knowing it would take Ripley a while to find the letter but wanting him to move on, to…find someone who wouldn’t let him down. I remember the last words.Just know I loved you from the moment we met until the moment I died. And I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”
Mateo shuddered and tipped his head back. “We thought he hadn’t left Ripley a note because they’d fallen out, that Ripley had known how bad things were and lied to us.”
“He didn’t know. I suspect he’ll always feel guilty about that. He knows you blame him.”
“We did. But we failed Alejandro too. My brother was too proud to admit the mess he’d got into. We weren’t listening to what he didn’t say. We have to live with that.”
“But like Ripley, you have to let it go. There’s no point trying to see where things went wrong, what you missed. What does it matter now? It happened and you can’t make it unhappen. Life’s too short to stay sad. You’ll always miss him, as Ripley will, but this life is all we get. Everyone deserves to be happy.”
Mateo gave him a curious look. “You seem young for a grief counsellor.”
“I’ve not even had anyone I know die. But I do know what it’s like to be hurt. Strangely enough, my job is mending things that are broken. Well, trying to.”
“Things?”
“Furniture, picture frames…”
“And Ripley. How is he?”
“Still broken.” Fen shrugged. “Mending some things takes a long time. But maybe he’s getting better. He put up a Christmas tree. He wasn’t going to but he changed his mind.”
“Does he know you’ve come here?”
“No. I just wanted to have a word with your brother. To tell him I’m trying to make Ripley happy.”
Mateo’s cheek twitched. “I hope Alejandro heard you. Ripley’s lucky.” He shook Fen’s hand and headed back towards his brother’s grave.
When Ripley woke and found himself alone in the bed, he instinctively knew Fen wasn’t in the house, though he still went to check. He read the note, screwed it into a ball and threw it at the wall. It served him right. He’d set this in motion, though he wished Fen had let him drive him to his mother’s. But what was done, was done. Ripley slumped on the couch feeling sorry for himself. He’d anticipated two days of misery but not that they’d be sparked by Fen’s absence.
His phone rang mid-morning with an unknown number.
“Yes?”
“Is that Ripley?” a woman asked.
“Yes.”
“Is Fen there? I’m his mum. I wanted a quick word before we board and he’s not answering his phone.”
Ripley’s heart did some complicated manoeuvres in his chest. “Board?”
“We’re off to Italy. Didn’t Fen tell you?”
“No. He didn’t. He told me he was going to your place for Christmas.”
“Why would he say that?”
“Because I told him I was going to my mother’s.”
“Then where is he? Alistair! Fen’s missing. We can’t go.”
Ripley clutched his phone tightly as he tried to listen in to their conversation. Fen’s mum was panicking and Alistair was trying to reassure her and it was all Ripley’s fault.
