Page 150 of Fe
“I should have told him. I pointed out I had no idea who Judd was.”
Fen groaned.
Ripley dropped down beside him. “I also told him you didn’t talk about your father, you hadn’t even told me who he was until after you’d met Judd. Judd’s upset you didn’t tell him. He’ll be at the meeting tomorrow.”
Fen’s heart fluttered. Would his father be there too?
The day passed slowly. Fen didn’t think it was his imagination Ripley was quieter than usual. When Fen announced he was going to bed, Ripley didn’t come with him. Fen understood. This wasn’t the sort of publicity anyone would want, let alone someone in Ripley’s position.
He lay in bed, his head under the covers, reading lies. A tweet from someone who said he’d been at ballet school with him, claiming Fen had snorted coke. Someone else saying Fen had been dismissed from ballet school because he wasn’t good enough. A girl from his geography class telling more lies.The bitch.There werenotruths and it hurt.
Fen stumbled to the bathroom, threw up the little he’d eaten and kept throwing up until his ribs ached.I need Ripley!Fen crept downstairs and when he heard Ripley talking, he stopped moving. Was someone there?
“Have you finished?” Ripley snapped. “Well, I think you’ve said enough, Matthew… No…”
Ripley’s boss. The Head of Chambers. Fen guessed this was about him.
“Are you threatening me?” Ripley asked. “Well, that’s what it sounds like to me… No, I will not… I don’t care… Believe what you like… I’ve done nothing wrong… No, Fen is not a mistake… Frankly, Matthew, I don’t give a shit.”
Fen crept back upstairs and slipped into bed.Mud sticks and mud will stick to Ripley too.Fen guessed this had something to do with Ripley getting silk. Whether it was or not, Fen was fucking up Ripley’s life. He was happy Ripley was sticking up for him, but Fen had to be the one to make sure this turned out right for Ripley. Much as he might not want to accept it, this was the beginning of the end for them both.
28
It had taken Fen a long time to decide what to wear. Though that was in part because he’d also packed a bag ready to leave. He didn’t know how or when he was going to do it, but it had to happen. Much as he might wish it otherwise, there was no long-term for him and Ripley, no growing old together. Overhearing that call between Ripley and Matthew had made him face reality. Over time, Fen would be a burden. His body would betray him sooner or later and he didn’t want Ripley to have to look after him. Better to break away while they still liked each other than wait until it fell apart.
He wasn’t sure that was true but it was what he had to believe.
Fen couldn’t remember the last time clothes had felt so important. Except maybe the first date with Ripley. He considered putting on his old stuff, because that had been his life until recently, but in the end, he’d worn his best trousers, a pale blue dress shirt and Ripley’s grey tie, which he had to have help tying. When Fen looked at himself in the mirror, he felt ill. His face was pale. His stomach jangled with nerves. Today, he might see his father, stand face to face with him. What should he say? What might his father say?
Ripley had asked Harry to drive them to the lawyer’s and they were waiting for his call to say he was outside. There were still people with cameras out there on the pavement. Fen would have to walk through a mass of vultures and he couldn’t hurry. He looked up the collective noun.A wake.
“What made you almost smile?” Ripley asked.
“A group of vultures is called a wake.”
“I won’t let them tear into you.”
Ripley had been kind but Fen had felt him in retreat, just a little. Slightly reserved, quieter. Or maybe that was him, not wanting to be shown kindness that couldn’t last.
“There’s another article,” Ripley told him.
Oh fuck.“You think I should read it?”
Ripley offered him his phone.
The headline wasDangerous World of Jack’s Secret Son!Fen only just stopped himself crying out when he saw the photo of him, Seth and Morgan in their leather outfits. It wasn’t possible to identify any of them, but in another photo outside the club, Fen’s mask had been part-pulled off and he looked as if he was brawling with a guy. At his side, a man he now knew was Ripley was yanking Fen free. At least Ripley couldn’t be recognised. Fen looked wide-eyed, drunk, even drugged and all he’d been was frightened.
“Who took them?” Ripley asked.
“Seth gave his phone to a bartender to take the one inside. I don’t know about the other. Maybe Seth snapped it.” Disappointment seeped through Fen’s body like a dense suffocating fog, clogging his lungs. He didn’t want to believe his friends would sell or give photos to a paper. He grabbed his phone and Ripley caught his hand.
“What are you doing?”
“Asking them why they did this.”
Ripley let his hand go.
Morgan was quick to answer.
