Page 167 of Fe
“Fen’s breathing on his own. He’s going to be in and out of consciousness for a while. You have to be patient. Come and see him and then go home and get some rest.”
Fen looked more like Fen without the tube, though his lovely blue eyes were closed. Ripley leaned over and kissed him, then sat at his side.
“I’m still waiting.” He took hold of Fen’s hand and squeezed. There was no movement, no flickering of eyelids. “Open your eyes.”
Fen was a sleeping beauty, breathing on his own but not awake. Not even for Ripley’s kisses.
“Can you hear me, Fen? I’m going to have one of the sandwiches you love for my lunch. I’m not going to save you half if you don’t wake up.”
Fen didn’t wake.
Bastard! Still his favourite sandwich. Fen could feel himself trying to tell Ripley to leave him half but he didn’t think the words were coming out of his mouth. They’d not been long back from their first ski holiday when Ripley had come home with one of those delicious sandwiches and a bottle of champagne.
“There’s a present in this bag.”
Fen’s heart had just about catapulted out of his chest when he pulled out a pair of small black silk shorts and a silk blindfold. He got what Ripley was telling him. After worrying he’d messed things up and Ripley wouldn’t get asked to take silk, this was him saying it had happened.
“Congratulations!” Fen hugged him.
“Matthew was begrudging with his.”
“Because he’s an arsehole.”
“Like them?” Ripley nodded to the things Fen was holding.
“The shorts might be a bit tight for you.”
“I bought a bigger pair for me.”
Fen sucked in a breath. “Are you wearing them?”
“Put yours on and come and find out.”
“But my sandwich,” Fen wailed.
The sandwich could wait. Fen remembered how it felt to rub against Ripley when they were both wearing silky underwear and he groaned. Oh yes. They needed to do that again.
Ripley didn’tgo home and get some rest.How could he rest if he wasn’t with Fen?Ripley couldn’t leave him. Even if listening to him groan made him want to cry. The nurses reassured him Fen wasn’t in pain but how did they know?
As long as he was allowed to be by Fen’s side, that was where he stayed. He talked until he was hoarse about anything and everything. He was surprised he didn’t run out of things to waffle on about but he didn’t. It was a reminder of how great life had been with Fen at his side.
The drug trial Fen had been put on when he was twenty-four had worked the little miracle they’d hoped for. Fen’s health had stabilised for longer than they’d expected. It had allowed them to travel, to do things together, including a sky dive for a BMD charity. He still couldn’t believe Fen had talked him into it. Ripley had done his best to hide his nerves but Fen had been fearless. He remembered how Fen’s face had shone with excitement while Ripley suspected his own was white with fear.
Life with Fen was never dull. Ever. How many people could say that about their relationship?
He put an earbud in Fen’s ear and one in his and they listened to music together. He played everything Fen loved, then went for everything Fen hated. Still no response.
The nursing staff said he’d stirred a few times for them when they’d been messing around with his tubes, but he hadn’t opened his eyes for Ripley.
“Please wake up,” Ripley whispered. “I need you to wake up. Who else is going to make me laugh? Who else will adore me like you do? Waking in the morning and remembering how much I love you is what makes my world turn. I love you so much. I can’t lose you. I can’t. I love you. I love you. I love you.” If ever they needed a miracle, it was now.Please!
He talked to him about cricket, explaining the rules, rerunning a match, play by play, over by over…
“For fuck’s sake.”
Ripley carried on talking for a moment until he registered Fen had spoken. “Fen?”
Fen blinked and opened his eyes. Ripley flung himself at the call button, then gaped at Fen.
