Page 41 of Fe
Oh shit. I can do the fucking maths!
“I’ll make it eighty if you last the six months.”
Fucking hell!Fen wondered for a moment if hewasthat sort of guy. But…I’m not.Disappointment seeped into every cell of his body, a fast-acting poison, sucking out all hope. Ripley had reached into his chest, dragged sharp nails down his heart and made it bleed.
“How would you feel if I’d asked the same of you?” Fen said quietly. “Would you be okay with it?”
“If our situations were reversed, yes.”
Really?Ripley had no idea what his life was like.
“Why didn’t you just ask me to go out with you? You didn’t need to pay me. All those things you said, they sounded fun—not the funerals, obviously—but that’s what boyfriends do. This is like you’re asking me to be your exclusive…rent boy.”
“Keep your voice down.”
Fen hadn’t realised he’d raised it. He clenched his fists on his lap.
“It’s formalising an arrangement between us,” Ripley said. “This way we know where we stand. I’m not the commitment type. I didn’t want to go into this with you thinking I was, that there was a long-term future. That wouldn’t be fair on you. This way, we’d both have fun for six months, you’d get to see a different world, and walk away with eighty thousand pounds. You could do something lifechanging with that.”
“Money won’t change my condition.”
Ripley paled. “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I thought the money would give you a chance to do things you’re unlikely to ever be able to afford. Like going to Japan.”
Fen felt as if he were filling up with concrete, his body weighing him down. It was hard to breathe. Ripley had wrecked everything Fen had hoped for. What a fool he’d been to think a man like Ripley would want him as a normal boyfriend.
“Don’t you see how wrong it is to pay me to sleep with you?” Fen whispered.
“No, I don’t. I’m not paying you for sex. I’m paying you to be my…partner for six months.”
That was fudging the issue. “So you don’t care whether or not I have sex with you? You’d still pay me if I didn’t?”
Ripley exhaled. “No. I want you in my bed. I thought you wanted that too.”
“I…” Despite all his efforts, Fen’s shoulders slumped. “For six months with no love?”
Fen saw the flicker of alarm in Ripley’s eyes.Love?Love something to do with this bloody awful proposal?
“Do you have to be in love to fuck someone?” Ripley asked. “No one would ever get together if that was true, especially gay men. Lust is instant. Attraction is instant too. Love isn’t. Not for most people.”
“No,” Fen admitted. Though didn’t you need to feelsomethingbefore you climbed into bed with someone? A little emotional connection? Fen had not chosen wisely with the few guys he’d had sex with, but he’d always started off thinkingthis could be it.Even that very first time when he’d lost his virginity, an occasion seared into his memory, he’d hoped he’d see the man again. “We haven’t even had sex. You’ve not seen me naked. You might not like what you see. What if we’re not compatible?”
“We will be.”
Ripley’s confidence irritated him. “What if my dick’s too big for you?”
Ripley laughed, which had not been Fen’s intention. “I’ll cope.”
“Have you done this before? Paid someone?”
“No.”
Fen clenched his teeth.Do not cry.“Then why me?”
A muscle twitched in Ripley’s cheek. “I’ve told you why. I like you. I want you. I won’t ask you to do anything you don’t want to do, nothing kinky, if that’s worrying you. If we try it for a week and it doesn’t work, then you can walk away. Will you at least think about it? Give me an answer by Friday?”
Fen seized the opportunity for space and pushed to his feet. “All right.”
“Harry will give you a lift back.”
