Page 90 of Fe
The room was full of craft stalls where vendors were selling all sort of Christmas stuff—sweaters for dogs, felt mice, silver ornaments, wooden ones…Ugh.He stopped looking at the stalls and headed for an area of seating at the far end of the room.
He and Fen took off their jackets and settled at a table. A waitress wearing a Santa hat appeared at their side.
“Two cream teas, please,” Ripley said.
Fen handed over the money and Ripley raised his eyebrows.
“You have to pay when you order,” Fen whispered.
“They don’t trust you not to run off without paying?”
“It’ll be easier for them. Less back and forth.”
Ripley felt Fen’s foot push against his.
“Are you going to tell me why you don’t like Christmas?”
Ripley thought about it. Maybe telling Fen some of it would stop him wondering and also stop Fen thinking there was a chance he’d change his mind.
“A good friend of mine died at Christmas.”
Fen’s face paled. “Oh, I’m sorry. ActuallyatChristmas?”
“Christmas Eve.”
“Oh shit. I get it. I’m really sorry. Was it…Alejandro?”
Ripley felt his jaw drop in shock and considered looking down to see if it was on the floor. “Explain.”
“Your neighbour, the old lady who’s suffering from dementia, she asked me if I knew Alejandro, if I’d seen him. I sort of jumped to conclusions. I spotted a photograph on your bookshelf of you with a man and I thought maybe that was him. I guessed he was the one you went out with for nearly three years.”
“Here you go!” The waitress put their drinks on the table along with the food.
“Thank you,” Fen said.
Ripley tried to pull himself together.
After she’d moved away, Fen let out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
He seemed to shrink in on himself. He didn’t touch the scone. Ripley cut his in half, added butter and jam, then the cream and swapped plates with Fen.
“You’re not eating it in the car so have it now.” Ripley prepared his own.
Fen picked up the scone and put it down without biting into it. It was obvious Fen was avoiding looking at him.
Sort this out.“You’re right. It was Alejandro who died.”
“I’m really sorry,” Fen whispered.
Now Ripley was the one who couldn’t eat.
“I do get it,” Fen said quietly. “The happiest time of the year for most people but not for you. I don’t think you can ever let go of someone you cared about even when they’re not there anymore because they will always be part of you. Though the only experience I have is not someone but something. Ballet. And I know it’s not the same. I’m not trying to say losing ballet was as bad as you losing him, but I do understand how strong a hold grief has, how it can cripple you if you let it.”
Fen didn’t know the worst of it and Ripley couldn’t tell him. Not that. He felt as if his head was going to explode. He had to think. “I’m going to go for a short walk. Why don’t you look round the stalls and meet me back at the car in fifteen minutes?”
Ripley grabbed his coat and stalked off before Fen could say anything.Now Fen would havemorequestions.
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