Page 115 of Everything That Kills Me
“Why not?” Jack asked.
Because they weren’t him, and Zeph would have had to hurt them if Jack had come back.
Hehadcome back.
He’d come back.Oh fuck.
Zeph’s inhale was so noisy, Jack’s eyes widened.
Don’t ask me if I’m okay.
“How’ve you been?” Jack asked.
Same thing, different words.
You’re too far away. Too many centimetres, millimetres. I’m angry and I’m sad and I’m happy and I missed you.And now he was here, Zeph wanted to hold him, hug him, kiss him, hit him, bang his fists against Jack’s chest. Why had he waited so long to come? Why hadn’t he called?
He stayed exactly where he was.
“I’m okay,” Zeph managed to force out.
How could he stride back into his life as easily as he strode out?Only if I let him.
“You could have called me,” Zeph croaked. “I couldn’t call you. I tried. Your phone was…dead.”
“I can’t keep the same number for any length of time. It’s too dangerous. I shouldn’t have got involved with you.”
Zeph clenched his teeth so hard, he heard them grind. “You came to tell me that? Fine. You’ve told me. Now fuck off.”
Jack took a step towards him. “Do you hate me?”
“Do I look like I hate you?” It was a genuine question. Could Jack see the truth?
“I think you want to,” Jack whispered. “But I don’t think you do.”
He took another step towards him and Zeph found his back against the door.
“How did you know where I lived? How did you get in?”
“Does it matter?”
Jack took that final step so he was pressed up against him and Zeph knew it didn’t matter, because despite everything he’d said, and promised himself and his heart, he’d waited, his heart had waited, and Jack was here ready to step back into Zeph’s life. If he let him.
“Why did you wait so long?”
“I got caught up in something and ended up in hospital.”
Zeph gulped.
“Thomas had to come and get me, look after me until I was well.”
“You’re all right now?”
Jack nodded.
Zeph wanted to saygood, now gobut he couldn’t. There was that familiar current flowing between them and his head buzzed with it. He was frightened and excited at the same time. Part of him began to question whether Jack was really there. Even though he could feel him hard against him, feel his rapid exhalations hitting his face. Although they stood pressed together, their hands weren’t touching. Zeph’s were flat to the door. Jack’s hung by his side. But wantconsumed him. A need to touch Jack’s face, brush his fingers along his lips, let his thumb drift along his chin… If Zeph did any of that, whatever was building inside him would escape.
“I’m sorry. I was going to come back but I really was badly injured. It’s taken a while to get better.”
