Page 130 of Everything That Kills Me
“Does he have a cloud-spotters book?”
“Not that I know of.” Though he doubted Thomas could sit still long enough to watch clouds. “Let’s find a Christmas tree first. I suspect there might not be many left.”
“Will an artificial one do?”
“If there are no others.”
Jack pulled into the garden centre car park close to a marquee. There were a few bedraggled trees lying by the wrapping machine, but they were too long to get in the car.
“Too big, too tatty, too sad,” Zeph said. “Neither decorations nor lights would save any of them. I feel mean not wanting them but I want to make Thomas happy.”
“Artificial then.”
They headed inside.
Zeph grabbed a trolley. “Tree first, then decorations.”
Jack checked out the artificial trees that were left. He didn’t think Thomas would go for pink, but any of these boxed trees would fit in the car. “Which do you think?”
When Zeph didn’t answer, Jack turned. For a moment, he wondered what Zeph was staring at, then he saw Alice and Georgia. Alice had seen Zeph but the others hadn’t. Jack wasn’t sure whether to let this play out or pull Zeph away.
The choice was taken from him. First Zeph’s father, then his stepmother faced them. A moment later, the pair turned their backs.The shits.
Zeph returned to Jack’s side with his lips pressed together. Jack put his arm over Zeph’s shoulder. “Want a kiss?” he whispered. “Your stepsisters are looking.”
Zeph grabbed Jack’s face and kissed him. One short, sweet kiss before Zeph pulled away.
“Not pink.” Zeph stared pointedly at the trees on display.
“This one’s not bad. It’s reduced. And not pink.”
“Pre-lit so no need to buy lights.” Zeph put it on the bottom shelf of the trolley.
The speed with which Zeph picked out packs of decorations, a star for the top of the tree, a cloud spotting book for Thomas and a chewable banana for Django told Jack he was keen to get out there. Though Zeph’s family was at the till when they reached it. Jack wondered if Zeph would retreat but he didn’t.
Alice looked at Jack, then Zeph, and gave a little wave. Jack wasn’t sure Zeph had seen it. But he almost felt Zeph exhale when the four of them left the store.
“At least I know nothing’s changed,” Zeph said. “Not that I imagined it would.” He added wrapping paper and tape to the haul. “I’ll pay for everything. It’s my fault Thomas has no tree. You were going to stay with him somewhere else where he does have one, weren’t you?”
That was sharp. “Yes. Thomas is playing safe.”
By the time they got back to the house, Zeph was happy again. Jack and Zeph put the tree together and though Thomas grumbled about it not being real, Jack thought it looked good. Django was still glued to Zeph’s side. He couldn’t even go to the toilet without the dog following.
“Is Zeph well?” Thomas asked quietly after Zeph had left the room.
“Yes, why?”
“Because dogs can sense when someone’s sick. Zeph didn’t have any wine. Is he taking medicine?”
“I’ve not seen any.” Now Jack worried. “He hasn’t said anything.”
“It may be nothing.”
Zeph came back, Django on his heels.
“Do you want to put the presents under the tree?” Jack asked.
Zeph gave a shocked gasp. “Santa brings them.”
