Page 134 of Everything That Kills Me
Impossible.
Jack had said the men had gone. If they had, why hadn’t Jack driven him back to Cambridge? He guessed the house in Middleton was no longer a safe place so presumably Thomas would go back to wherever he’d planned to be before he was lumbered with Zeph. Would Jack go with him? Zeph wasn’t sure.
Something wasn’t adding up.
He hadn’t forgotten about the blood. Or the gunshots. Or Jack showering.
Zeph gulped. Gone didn’t meangoneas in they were asked to leave and they left, did it? Gone meant dead. That’s why Zeph couldn’t go back into the bedroom and why Thomas had shut the kitchen door so quickly and why Jack had showered.
Fuck.
FUCK!
Thomas and Jack had killed them? Self-defence but…Oh my God.Had the police come? Zeph didn’t think so. Even if Jack and Thomas hadn’t wanted him to be seen, the police would still have been there when Jack had come upstairs. So they’d called the policeafterZeph had left. That made sense. Jack was protecting him.
But then…that blood and messed up snow suggested someone had been hurt or killed there. They shouldn’t have been moved. Zeph had watched enough TV and films to know that. They weren’t going to call the police. Why not?
I need to stop thinking.
He wasn’t going to be able to forget any of this but going over what had happened wouldn’t make him feel better.
In any case, bad as today had been, worse was knowing Jack had disappeared again, and given the circumstances, Zeph didn’t think he’d ever see him again.
Thirty-One
The cancer treatment had been brutal. Zeph volunteered to be part of a clinical trial. It still meant eighteen weeks of chemotherapy: six cycles over three days every three weeks. Chemo targeted fast-growing cancer cells but also healthy cells that divided rapidly too, like those in the skin, mouth, intestines and hair, so throwing up, losing his hair and his throat being constantly sore were a few of the crap things that came with poisoning his body.
Surgery was scheduled over the Easter break to remove the tumour and affected tissue. It had been leg-saving surgery, not amputation, much to his relief. Now he had a lot of metal inside him instead of bone. At least there’d been no need for a new knee. Nor any further surgery, which was the best news for ages. Once the chemo stopped, his hair had grown back. Then followed a short period of radiotherapy, and the support of a team of torture specialists, otherwise known as physical therapists, who didn’t listen tono, I don’t feel like it today.
And among all that, somehow, he managed to study and keep a check on things related to Jack. No crimes had been reported in Middleton. Nothing in the news about guns being fired. The Middleton house had been sold. Whatever happened there had been buried.
His imagination had run riot. Jack and Thomas were in witness protection but Thomas had been a crook. Maybe a money launderer, which explained a lot. Jack had been trawled up into Thomas’s world and didn’t have a way out. They couldn’t rely on the police for protection so they looked after themselves. Or…he was wrong about all of it?
Zeph told Martin and Paulo about the cancer when they came back after Christmas. By then, Zeph had started his treatment so they came to him, took him to a hotel for twodays and had their late Christmas. Zeph wondered if Jack had opened the presents he’d bought. Maybe he’d never know. He put on a brave face for Martin and Paulo but inside he was falling apart.
There had been no option about telling the university. Losing his hair would have told them anyway. He’d talked to his supervisors who were supportive whether Zeph wanted to complete or repeat the year. Complete was his aim.
He told Adam Penshurst who said they still wanted him at GCHQ. He even came to see Zeph in hospital after his surgery, which was nice of him.
He told his fellow students and they turned out to be better friends than Zeph had imagined, which made him regret not trying harder. They took him to appointments, visited him, brought him food.
Jack didn’t come.
Zeph still hoped.
Because he was an idiot.
Thirty-Two
When Jack found out Zeph was receiving cancer treatment, he was devastated. It was like being caught up in the explosion all over again. He was overwhelmed by shock, fear, helplessness. He wanted to go to Zeph, be with him, but Thomas persuaded him otherwise.
But Jack didn’t always listen to Thomas. When he was sent to do a job in Estonia, he stopped in Cambridge on his way to the airport. Not on the way at all, but he didn’t care. He’d managed to catch sight of Zeph as he sat receiving his chemotherapy and his heart had hurt in a way he’d not experienced before.
Thomas had worried that seeing Zeph would be a distraction. In fact, it made Jack more determined to do every job efficiently so he could see Zeph again.
And he did. Several times. But he never let Zeph see him.
He had to let him go, but he couldn’t.
