Page 157 of Everything That Kills Me
Jack stared at him.
“You are mine,” Thomas whispered. “My boy. The only thing I’ve ever felt truly proud of. At the same time, I was ashamed of not rescuing you sooner, ashamed of what I made you into, ashamed of putting you in danger. I thought I was keeping you safe in the only way I knew. I’m sorry.”
Jack nodded. He felt too choked up to speak.
“You need to stay under the radar. I don’t need to tell you that. Does Zeph understand what being with you will mean?”
“A little. I thought if we went abroad for a year, see if anything stirred in that time…”
“Zeph’s brilliance might save you.”
“But that means sharing more of my past.”
“If it keeps you safe, then do it.”
Zeph was sleeping when Jack crept back into the flat. He wanted to wake him and tell him everything, but instead, hestripped, slid into bed next to him and watched him sleep. He was beautiful.
Jack hadn’t believed in fate. He’d thought you made your own luck, but maybe he’d been wrong. He regretted lost time with Zeph. Regretted not being there for him when his life had been turned upside down, by his family, by cancer. From now on, Jack would always be there for him.
When Zeph began to stir, Jack’s heart beat faster. “Finally.”
“What?” Zeph widened his eyes, then smiled. “You came back.”
It hurt that Zeph had still wondered if he would. Jack never wanted him to think that again.
“Did you find Thomas?”
“Yes.”
“Is he safe? No, pretend I didn’t ask that.”
“He’s fine. He can take care of himself.”And I want to take care of you.“What do you think about New Zealand.”
Zeph laughed. “Where did that question come from?”
“I’ve been thinking. We’d make a slow journey there. You can help me keep track of my old world and make sure it stays well away from our new one.”
“I can do that.” Zeph’s beam looked about to split his face. “What is there to do in New Zealand?”
“Everything or nothing. You can sit and look at the fantastic scenery while I climb, ski, cycle, run, paraglide, surf… Or I’ll dare you to do those things with me.”
“And you promise not to laugh if I’m crap at them?”
“I promise.”
Zeph looked as if he was going to cry. “I love you.”
Jack took hold of his hand. This wasn’t the perfect moment to return those word. He could wait. But there was one thing he could say that would mean a lot to Zeph.
“The name I was given at birth is Gennadiy Volkov.”
“Russian?”
“You guessed I wasn’t British.”
“But the guess wasn’t based on much. Wow, Russian. Do you want to be Jack or Gennadiy?”
“Jack. I’m half-Russian as it turns out.”
