Page 34 of Everything That Kills Me
Shiny
And if this is all there is
It is enough
Jack’s lips were soft and warm. He tasted of peanut butter and happiness, and Zeph thoughtI’m going to die. Thiswas the tsunami, the lightning, the end of the world. Jack gave a quiet moan as he slipped his tongue into Zeph’s mouth and Zeph’s heart catapulted into his throat.He moaned! Jack moaned!
Everything changed in that instant. Not the end of the world but doors flying open on a new one. Zeph could feel the heat coursing through him, from his mouth down into his chest, curling in his belly, surging along his arms, his legs. The longer they kissed, the hotter he was getting.Oh God. Is spontaneous combustion really a thing?Even if it had been, he couldn’t have pulled away from the first kiss he’d ever had.
But the chatter of approaching children jerked them apart. Jack looked as dazed as Zeph felt.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Zeph whispered. Apart from catching fire.
“Neither do I.”
And that was as Zeph wanted it to be.
“Was it…?” Jack asked.
“Yes.”
Jack laughed. “You don’t know—”
“Yes, I do. Yes, it was. I don’t have the words. Imagine all of them.”
Jack pushed to his feet. “We should get back.”
Zeph stood, amazed his legs were capable of keeping him upright.
“Are you going to eat that?” Jack nodded at the remains of the sandwich Zeph was somehow still holding.
“No.”
Jack took it from him and bit into it. Zeph started to lick the mess off his hands and Jack caught his wrist. He glanced around and then licked the peanut butter off Zeph’s fingers. Zeph had never been more grateful for the length of his blazer. He didn’t look down but he knew what he’d see if he did.
“The park was a good idea,” Jack said.
“Until the kids arrived.” Though Zeph was partly glad they had otherwise he might have combusted in another way. The tightness in his chest was almost unbearable. He’d spent so long being careful and that had gone in an instant. He’d never felt a desire to be more reckless in his entire life, but… There were so many problems. They could show nothing at school. Jack couldn’t come to his house. Could he go to Jack’s?
“I’m going to get you a burner phone. Thomas can’t know about us.”
Well, that answered that. It was almost as if Jack had known what he was thinking. Zeph told himself not to hope for too much. That having Jack as a friend would be enough. It would make him stronger, enable him to cope with the next two years. They could still run together, meet up at the weekends… It would be okay. He’d lie to everyone but Jack and make it more than okay.
Zeph had already thought through the consequences of leaving home. The circumstances and his age meant the councilwould step in to help. Children’s Services would find him somewhere to live. The first thing they’d do was ask his uncle if he’d take him. Martin would probably say yes, but that meant Zeph would have to change schools and he didn’t want to. Not now. Even if he moved into council run care, it might not be anywhere near here and he’d have to change schools anyway.
“Thomas isn’t there all the time,” Jack said.
Zeph’s throat thickened with hope.
When they reached the school gates, Jack brushed his fingers against Zeph’s hand and sent shivers racing down Zeph’s spine. Zeph wanted to be told everything would be okay. Then again, he didn’t want to hear a lie from Jack. Jack shot him a smile and that was enough.
Zeph stayed after school to do his homework. He was the last one to leave the study area. It was ten to six when he got home. Just in time for dinner. He took off his shoes at the door and went up to get changed. When he came down, everyone was eating at the kitchen table. No place had been set for him. A surge of distress almost took him out at the knees.
“Where’ve you been?” his father demanded.
“At school. Doing my homework.”
“You couldn’t have let us know you were going to be late?” Elisa’s voice was shrill.
